Category Archives for Marriage Advice

5 Signs You Are in the Wrong Relationship

5 Signs You Are in the Wrong Relationship

Relationships are hard work, and even the best ones require stubborn tenacity from both partners. However, not all relationships are meant to last. Some were never right from the beginning, while others have served their purpose and run their course. How can you tell if your relationship is worth fixing, or whether it is time to walk away? Here are 5 signs you are in the wrong relationship.

1. You are distracted/anxious/obsessive

If you and your mate just had a big fight, it is normal to have trouble concentrating on anything else for a bit. Having a good cry or taking a long walk are healthy ways of expressing your emotions before talking out the issues. In a good relationship though, you know that both of you are committed to working things out. This makes it easier to put difficulties in perspective and avoid ruminating on the drama of the moment.

If you are in the wrong relationship, you probably spend a great deal of time worrying about your relationship. You might obsessively replay conversations in your head, looking for hidden meanings, become fixated on something that one of you said, or even start to dread being with your partner for fear of having another fight. If the negative emotions outweigh the positive ones over a period of time, it might be time to move on.

2.You make excuses for your partner

When you are in the wrong relationship, your perceptions will likely become distorted. You might read hidden meanings into innocent statements or behaviours, while minimising the things that are more serious. A common reaction to a bad relationship is making excuses or justifying your partner’s behaviour. If you constantly find yourself thinking up reasons for him to come home late, or apologising to friends for her cancelling plans at the last minute, your relationship might not be right.

3. Your family and friends want you to quit

Occasional personality conflicts are inevitable, and everyone has a horror story about a relative’s partner that they simply cannot get along with. So don’t read too much into one or two people’s opinions. Overall though, the people who love you want you to be happy. If your friends and family express strong dislike for your partner, or concern for your emotional well-being, take them seriously.

4. Your self-esteem is taking a beating

Do you feel like you are always apologising for conflicts that happen in the relationship? Have you stopped enjoying your hobbies and interests? Do you wish there was a way to fix yourself? In a healthy relationship, both partners encourage each other to be the best they can be, but in a kind and loving way that demonstrates emotional support and genuine pride in each other’s successes. If your relationship is unhealthy, you might feel like you don’t have a voice. Constant criticism, even in the name of “teasing,” minimising your accomplishments, or making you feel like something is wrong with you are just a few of the ways that your partner might undermine your self-esteem.

5. You want out

We all have gut instincts that help us tell right from wrong. It can be tough to separate your actual instincts from the effects of fear and doubt, especially if you have been hurt before. So don’t pay too much attention to passing thoughts, particularly those that occur to you during heated moments. When your gut brain really feels something is wrong, it will let you know.

When your relationship is wrong, your mind will wander to doubts even in the quiet moments. Though everything seems fine on the surface, you might start thinking about past loves or wondering how it would feel to date someone new. You might also begin to ruminate on things that have happened during your relationship, such as hurtful verbal exchanges or behaviours you can’t quite explain. If you start to experience these thoughts, take some time to sit down and truthfully analyse your relationship. You might realize that you are ready to walk away.

Looking for verifiable information on the science of attraction and relationships? We’re a neuroscientist and a biological anthropologist eager to help you put the Anatomy of Love to work in your own life.

Keeping Divorce Costs Down

While many of us never intend to get divorced, unfortunately it’s true that many marriages do break down and there is no choice but to file for legal separation.

In fact, there are around 118,000 divorces every year in the UK, with almost half of these occurring in the first 10 years of marriage.

Despite this, a recent survey by Partnership has revealed that getting divorced is one of the biggest financial regrets in the UK. A survey of 40 – 70 year olds found that it was the 3^rd biggest financial regret (13%) behind not saving enough (36%) and not saving enough into a pension (25%).

What is interesting though, is that the number is lower for those aged between 40 and 50 (8%), but increases for those at pension age (16% between 50 and 70 years of age). The number of those who regret not paying into a pension also rises to 29% in retirement age, as people realise that they may not receive the expected amount from an annuity as they originally thought.

There is supposedly a rise in ‘silver divorces’ as couples retire and have to spend more time together than they are used to; cracks begin to show and the relationship can start to break down leading to divorce.

It is never worth staying in an unhappy marriage, for your own sanity more than anything else. With this in mind, we’ve looked at the ways in which you can keep your costs down as you go through divorce proceedings.

Choose a Specialist Lawyer

Always take your time when thinking about what lawyer to use; not only will emotions (either angry or upset) cloud your judgement, you’ll be able to figure out what sort of legal aid you require, what your options are, and what questions you need to ask. Also, changing your lawyer part way through will have major financial implications, as you’ll have to start the process again from scratch.

To keep costs to a minimum, be well prepared before any meetings or phone conversations. Wasting time asking things that you can find out beforehand will end up costing you more in the long run.

Listing your financial assets for example, can be a lengthy process so if you can figure this out on your own beforehand, it’s less time and money spent with a lawyer. Asking questions via email can also be more helpful, as it’s generally quicker and you have a paper trail of all correspondence too.

Seek Financial Advice

A tax specialist and financial planner will advise you of any tax implications, particularly if there’s a decent amount of money at stake. They’ll also provide you with tips for minimising any of the tax costs.

If there is a pension involved – either an existing annuity or funds in income drawdown – they will be able to advise you further on your available options.

Keep your Cool

It’s essential to keep your emotions in check when going through a divorce, as not doing so could lead to you making heated decisions that could have financial implications.

Many couples and up fighting over things that don’t really matter to them, purely out of principle (and, let’s face it: spite). Plus, the more you argue, the more money you’ll be spending on your lawyers.

It also always pays to settle out of court. A litigated divorce (when a judge gets involved) can be hugely expensive.

Try to come to an agreement with your ex without involving lawyers, and you’ll cut down the time (and cost) you spend with them.

Let your baby have your breasts for one year

A recent study by a team of Brazilian researchers has confirmed that babies breastfed by their mothers for up to a year have a higher Intelligent Quotient (IQ) than others, even up to adulthood.

The study was carried out on about 6,000 children in Pelotas, Brazil and the participants were followed up to their adulthood at the age of 30.

Information was gathered from about 3,500 participants who went through an IQ test and it was discovered that longer breast feeding resulted in higher intelligence, longer schooling and higher earnings.

An infant who had been breastfed for at least a year gained a full four IQ points (about a third of standard deviation above the average), and a higher income. EurekAlert, a global source for science news quoted Bernardo Lessa Horta, a doctor and lead author of the research, as saying one of the benefits of breast milk is the presence of long-chain saturated fatty acids (DHAs).

“The likely mechanism underlying the beneficial effects of breast milk on intelligence is the presence of long-chain saturated fatty acids (DHAs) found in breast milk, which are essential for brain development,” Horta said. “Our finding that predominant breastfeeding is positively related to IQ in adulthood also suggests that the amount of milk consumed plays a role.”

During the study, factors considered to determine the benefits of breast feeding include duration of breast feeding, family income at birth, parental schooling, genomic ancestry, maternal smoking during pregnancy and maternal age. The World Health Organisation (WHO) recommends up to six months of exclusive breastfeeding, with continued breastfeeding along with appropriate complementary foods up to two years of age or beyond.

Also, it recommends that the colostrum – the yellowish, sticky breast milk produced at the end of pregnancy – is a perfect food for the newborn, and feeding should be initiated within the first hour after birth.

The long-breastfeeding-for-babies campaign looks to be gaining increasing popularity among women.
During a personal interaction with two mothers who were on a visit to a first-time nursing mother, the two mothers both advised their counterpart to breast feed her baby for at least a year and the half, that is 18 months, saying that longer breast feeding would increase the child’s intelligence and academic performance.

Both gave examples of their own long breastfeeding regime and its role in the positive academic performances of their children.

Therefore, more women must know that it is not in their interest for their babies to have their breasts for anything less than a year.

Source:  http://www.thecable.ng

The Mathematics of Marriage, By Pastor Adeboye

…At 73, Adeboye reveals secrets of his 47-year old marriage

WAY before he became a prominent pastor, Enoch Adejare Adeboye of The Redeemed Christian Church of God, RCCG, was a Mathematics lecturer at the University of Lagos and at a point, the University of Ilorin and he reminded everyone of that on Thursday, February 19, 2015.

Daddy G.O. as he is fondly called, who has been married for 47 years shared with the audience at the first annual lecture of Pastor E.A. Adeboye Professorial Chair for mathematics, the four simultaneous linear equations for successful marital life.

Pastor Adeboye supported each equation with relevant biblical verses as he told the audience at the main auditorium of the University of Lagos, UNILAG, that his understanding of the mathematics of marriage is what has kept his marriage strong.

“I told my children that why I have remained married for 47 years is because I understand the mathematics of marriage. Mathematics is a science of living,” he said.

His equation number 1, which states that ‘Love is blind’, was supported with a biblical passage from Proverbs 10:12, which states that love covers a multitude of sins.
Then he said the explanation for Equation number 2, ‘which is that “marriage is a miracle worker with special anointing for curing blindness”’ could be found in Genesis 29:16-25 which gives the account of how Jacob was so much in love that he did not know it was Leah that was given to him in marriage instead of Rachel until the next day.

When simultaneously calculated, he said the result shows that during courtship, love does not make shortcomings obvious until after marriage, when all doubts about character are cleared.

Moving on to Equation number 3, which states that “Angels don’t eat jollof rice”, he made reference to Judges 6:11-21 where the sacrifice Gideon offered to the angel was consumed by fire, while he said Equation number 4 is that angels don’t marry Matthew 22:30.

In essence, Pastor Adeboye explained that women eat jollof rice so they are not angels and are not perfect, just like men.
He advised couples to have reasonable expectations of their spouses and not expect them to be like angels.

Pastor Adeboye was the first Master’s and Ph.D student of Mathematics produced by the University of Lagos. The Apapa Family of the RCCG endowed the professorial chair in Mathematics, valued at N50 million at the university on his behalf in 2009.

The UNILAG Vice Chancellor, Prof. Rahamon Bello, announced at the lecture that the university would confer an honorary doctoral degree of science on Pastor Adeboye for his contribution to life and the growth of his church.

“In recognition of Pastor Adeboye’s contribution to life and the growth of the Redeemed Christian Church of God, the Senate of the University of Lagos has approved the award of a Doctor of Science (D.Sc) Honoris Causa to Pastor Adeboye. We look forward to the award will be bestowed on him officially,” he said.
Responding, Adeboye said he would accept the award with joy.

“While I have humbly rejected the awards of many universities, I will gladly accept that of the University of Lagos,” said the man of God.

Source: http://www.vanguardngr.com/2015/03/the-mathematics-of-marriage-by-pastor-adeboye/

Need Something New To Do On Your Next Date Night?

Finding hobbies you can share as a couple helps make a relationship last.  Whether you’ve just found each other or you’ve been together for years, if you’ve not gone metal detecting together yet you should!  While it might not be the first “couples activity” that comes to mind, metal detecting together has a lot of benefits for a couple and can become an activity you enjoy together throughout your relationship whether you each have your own metal detector or not.

Great for Any Age

It doesn’t matter if you’re 18 or 80 – you can enjoy metal detecting.  There are light weight machines, long handled shovels and more to help make this a pass time that’s  comfortable and fun for everyone.

Experience the Outdoors Together

Heading outside together can take the pressure off a new relationship and can bring long-term couples even closer together.  Since you can’t go metal detecting indoors, you can experience a range of outdoor settings together when you both head out to find treasure.

Metal Detecting is Safest Using the Buddy System

If you don’t go with your significant other, be sure to take a friend.  Since you’re usually out exploring new terrain metal detecting is the safest using the buddy system.

Get Some Exercise so You Can Stay Together Longer

By the nature of the way you use your metal detector you’ll definitely get some exercise.  You’ll need to walk around nearly the entire time you’re searching for treasure.  Plus you’ll use your arm muscles to swing the machine back and forth while you’re walking.  And, you’ll end up doing some squats as you dig up your treasure onyour next date.

An Affordable Date

Once you have a metal detector (you only need one, although having two can be fun as well) and your metal detecting tools, you’re all set to have an affordable (read Free!) date any day of the week.  In fact, metal detecting may even be one of the only date night activities where you could actually make some money instead of spend it.

Boost Your Treasure Hunting Effectiveness

Metal detecting with your partner can also boost your  overall effectiveness by allowing you help each other with the metal detecting.  After all, two heads are better than one!  Working together you can –

• Help each other differentiate between treasure tones and trash tones.
• Share the labor of unearthing your treasure and save time by having one person dig while the other uses the pinpointer.
• And, if you both have metal detectors you can search twice the area in half the time.

Enjoying the Spoils Together is Better

The most exciting thing about metal detecting is discovering what’s underground and learning more about it’s history, and it’s worth once you’re back home.  The only thing that’s more exciting than that is to find these unique treasures with someone you love.

Find Other Shared Interests

As you’re out metal detecting together, you’ll have time to talk, discover more about each other, and find additional shared interests.  Not only that, through metal detecting you may be led to other interests that are totally new to both of you that you can now explore together such as hiking, history, antiquing, coin collecting, gold panning, geocaching, gardening, and so much more.

Finding activities you can appreciate together is the foundation of any successful relationship.  If you already have a passion for metal detecting, take your partner along with you next time.  If you’ve never been metal detecting – try it with your partner.  Whether it’s your first date or you’re just looking for something to do since the kids are gone, metal detecting is a perfect activity for any couple to enjoy together.

Featured images:

•  License: Image author owned

About the author: Michael Bernzweig manages MetalDetector.com in Southborough, MA. He has written extensively on the subject of metal detecting since the mid 1980’s. He has traveled world-wide in his pursuit of educating, exploring and advising others in the proper use of metal detectors. Outside of the business he enjoys mentoring students, being involved in the community and spending time with his family.

18-year-old ‘kills husband’ 5 days after wedding

Hi, I bring you a true life story of a marriage that lasted for only 5days. Not only that the marriage did not last, but one killed the other. The lesson therein is that maturity in marriage helps in reducing the chances of divorce. I was thirty when I got married but some people hold the opinion that marriage of couple younger than 25 can still flourish. Dear, read the true and touching story I present to you below and leave a comment.

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An 18-year-old woman has allegedly killed her husband five days in what a neighbour described as a “forced marriage”.

The suspect, Rahma Hussaini, allegedly attacked the husband, 24-year-old Tijjani Basiru with a knife on Wednesday at Darmunawa quarters of Kano city. A neighbour, Isa Alhassan, told reporters that the young couple got married last Friday. “From what we heard the union was a product of forced marriage,” he said.

He said neighbours heard a frightening scream. “The man sounded like someone subdued man in need of rescue and we rushed to discovered that the man of the house was in his pool of his blood,” he said.

Neighbours took Basiru to Aminu Kano Teaching Hospital but he was confirmed dead on arrival by doctors. Hussaini was handed over to the police after the incident, which was confirmed by Magaji Musa Majia, the Kano police command spokesman.

“At about 10:00hrs one Rahma Hussaini of Darmunawa quarters stabbed her husband, one Tijjani M Basiru, on his stomach with a knife and was rushed to AKTH,” he said. He said the criminal investigation department (CID) team had taken over the case.

Source: 

http://www.thecable.ng/18-year-old-kills-husband-5-days-wedding | TheCable

Managing your household: tips for couples  

If you’ve just moved in together and trying to balance your relationship with work and household chores, it’s easy to get overwhelmed thinking about everything that needs to get done. But when it comes to ticking off all the items on your to-do list and still having enough time to relax with your partner, organisation is key. We’ve put together some handy household tips for couples that want to get things done on time.

 Make a plan

If it’s not just yourself anymore, it’s important to keep track of everything – important dates, shopping lists, expenses and impending household chores. Planning doesn’t sound very exciting and spontaneous, but it will make

your life together a lot easier. If you’re planning ahead what you’re going to cook each week, you can do one big food shop a week, and you won’t have to argue about who is going to run to the shop when you realise you’re missing half the ingredients. And by sharing a calendar, you will always know what’s going on in your partner’s life too, never again missing an important job interview or their parents’ anniversary. Once you get into a routine, organisation will quickly become second nature to both of you and make living together a breeze.

 Get handy

Rather than calling the plumber or repair service every time something is broken, it’s a good idea to finally learn how to fix things yourself. After all, it’s not only just you who can put in the work but your partner too – running a household is a joint effort. For example, if you’re facing a blocked drain and are not sure how to unblock a sink, try a mixture of baking soda and vinegar to clear the drains and save the cost for a plumber. There are do-it-yourself solutions for almost every household issue. Learn how to make your own cleaning solutions with cupboard basics, and read up on how to pre-treat stains before a wash so you don’t have to get your clothes professionally cleaned every time you spill your wine. This might not sound very romantic at first, but it’ll save you money for that special date night in the long run and is definitely worth the effort.

 Take some time out

If you live together, it’s easy to get stuck in a routine. Even if you see each other everyday, it’s important to occasionally take some time out and go away for a weekend so the two of you have time for each other outside of everyday chores and stress. Why not look out for cheap flights for a weekend city trip getaway? If you’re short on money, consider going on a glamping holiday with your partner. More affordable than a hotel, it combines the back to nature approach of camping with the comfort of indoors accommodation, and there are a great variety of destinations to choose from.

Tidying Up Your Life for the New Year

With New Year fast approaching, chances are life has gotten a little messy of late, what with all the excitement and seasonal get-togethers. It is also a time for fresh starts – including your love life. Whether it’s finding a new partner or reinvigorating your long-term relationship, change begins with tidying up your living space and scrubbing up your appearance. After all, a long year takes its toll on all of us, and facing the New Year is easier when you look and feel refreshed. This is the beginning of making an active change.

Looking sharp

In general, actively seeking to look tidy and clean can affect your entire outlook and give you a positivity to carry you through the New Year. The Christmas break gives us all a little breathing space to make the changes we’d been planning to make all year but never got around to, like booking in a haircut or sprucing up our wardrobes. While none of things will actively make or break a relationship (that’s on you, we’re afraid) it can give you that boost of confidence you’ll need to approach a new interest or take the next step with your current partner.

You might also take some time to rethink your current look and make some changes. For example, 2014 was the year we reached ‘peak beard’ – and 2015 looks to be the year we’ll once again embrace the shaven visage. No one wants to be dismissed for a dodgy beard or told to remove it by a partner, so start the year by getting prepared. A good start for men would be to trim that beard into shape and face the upcoming year with neatened face fuzz, rather than a Mr Twit extravagance – after all you can always download a replacement beard from the Roald Dahl site if you really miss it.

Cleaning house

Your surroundings will also play an important part on your outlook. A tidy living environment helps you keep a tidy and focused mind – and makes an immense difference to how your partner (or prospective partner) feels about spending time there. Plus, if you’re co-habiting, you probably already know how easy it is to bicker about even little household tasks, so a comprehensive tidying up session can actually do wonders for your relationship. Here are a few tips:

• Not naturally house proud? Once you have a little tidying up know-how, it will no longer feel like such a bother to keep your space tidy – don’t hesitate to Google a problem to hunt down a useful life hack here and there.
• Also, try to look at your house as if seeing it for the first time. If you’re living alone, it can sometimes be hard to spot the issues that have built up over time and might (potentially) frighten off houseguests. Bad smells from the kitchen, stains in the bathroom, and a home that has hints of belonging to a hoarder are all massive turnoffs.
• When tidying up clogged up or overflowing wardrobes, find what you don’t wear anymore and donate these items to charity.
• Funds allowing, get rid of those old beaten up pans and cooking equipment and invest in something better – good equipment can improve your cooking, and culinary skills are a good way to impress a love interest.
• To deal with stubborn smells, like nicotine, bring in some reed diffusers or another similar product. If you’re dating a vehement non-smoker, the smell won’t do you any favours.

No relationship is based entirely on the state of your home or wardrobe, but by building up an all round strategy for self-improvement, you could start up or continue a relationships with renewed vigour – and face the new year with a lasting positive mind set.

Evolution of the Wedding Dress Infographic

Perfect Ring

Cleaning Tips for a Romantic Night In

Get Dating Tips for Successful Marriage

Everyone loves a bit of romance, but it can be expensive to keep going out all the time. More and more, people are finding ways to create that romantic feeling at home instead. From a candlelit meal in the kitchen to a snuggle on the sofa, the home is increasingly becoming the preferred site for a date.

So how can you create a clean, clutter-free space to ensure the focus is entirely on your potential partner? Well, here are some top tips for cleaning your house before Mr or Miss Right comes over.

1. Make space for candles and flowers by removing unnecessary items from table tops and kitchen counters. If you’re short on time, just put everything in a cupboard for now, but don’t forget to sort it properly later.

2. Nothing kills romance like a bad smell, so freshen the place up with potpourri or scented oil diffuser sticks. Wrap up anything in the fridge that might make a stink (think onions and cheese) and use fabric freshener on sofas and carpets.
   

   Cleaning Tips for Romantic Night

3. Make sure you don’t give anyway any guilty secrets: take out your bins and recycle those empty ice-cream cartons so they’re out of sight before your date arrives.

4. Wash up! If a long-term commitment is on the cards, this person might be judging your environment for indications of what you’d be like to live with. Anything that suggests laziness is a big turn-off. Get plates sparkling clean, or if you’re in a rush, just hide them somewhere he or she won’t look!

5. Everyone judges people on the cleanliness of their bathroom, so don’t forget to wash your sink, shower and toilet. Use fast-acting bleach and a tough bathroom cleaning spray to make sure everything sparkles.

6. Focus on the rooms your date will be visiting. If you’re short for time, no need to do a full-house overhaul, just clean up the kitchen, living room and bathroom. You can save the rest for when he or she moves in…

7. Sweep and vacuum. As boring a chore as it might be, your date won’t be impressed if they step on something painful in the carpet. Do a quick once-over of the important rooms with your vacuum or broom and pick up anything from the floor that could easily get under-foot (upturned plugs are particularly bad for this).

8. De-spider and de-mice. While you might like the idea of playing the hero and killing the pest for your date, it’s best not to have any distractions from the flirting. If your house has had mice in the past, set down ethical traps – you’ll get brownie points for being nice to animals. Check corners for spiders and use the old glass-and-cardboard trick.

So, by just following a few simple cleaning tips, you’ve made a fitting backdrop for romance and a home ready to welcome your date. Keep up the cleanliness and who knows when those wedding bells will start to ring…