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Category Archives for Relationship Tips

Important relationship lessons obtained from couples therapy

It’s not always blissful when you are in a relationship with someone. Couples understand this better when their initial days of charm, wooing each other gets over and they step into the drill of getting to know each other for real. And this is the phase, where most couples get disillusioned with the concept of love. Or, they are confused, considering that its love that got them into this mess. However, thanks to the new age couples therapy and marriage counseling, that couples can look at their relationship and their partners in a whole new way.

The precious lessons that couples learn

Most of the times we fall in love based on what our minds have been fed with about love. We are limited to our notions. It’s when we are in a relationship that we get to understand the true meaning of love. And sometimes, to understand this, couples need to count on marriage counseling and couples therapy. To know more on these therapies, you can browse through The Wellness Counseling Center and read more. Some of the valuable lessons learned by couples are as follows:

  1. There’s nothing called a perfect partner

Each one of us has been illusioned with the idea of an ideal partner. The truth is there is no perfect partner. When we accept this truth, we set ourselves be free from all the wrong expectations. Also, marriage counseling helps us look at a partner just as an ordinary human being with their set of rights and wrong. Couples take their partners for who they are and not who they want them to be. And this brings in peace and calm to a relationship.

  1. Ego clashes are not the end of the world

We stay in a world where rat race is the order of the day! Things move fast. And that has made us jump to our conclusions about relationships quickly as well. It is the reason why couples think that their relationship has no future after a few ego clashes. With advanced marriage counseling and couples therapy, partners understand that ego clashes are an external manifestation of the difference of opinions. Each one us wants to secure our point of views which results in ego clashes. When you allow a little bit of open-mindedness, we will be able to understand the other person’s perspective as well. And this will take away all the negativity that people attach with an ego clash. You can reach out to The Wellness Counseling Center to know more.

  1. Compassion can heal many things

Developing empathy helps to solve many challenges we face in life. Couples therapy teaches individuals that everyone is struggling and is going through their tests and trials in life. And that makes someone bitter and someone oversensitive. When you realize this truth, you start to develop compassion for yourself and others as well. And that is the starting point of individual and relationship healing.

These are three valuable lessons that marriage counseling and couples therapy offers us. Not every tumultuous relationship is the end of the world. With therapy, there’s hope and better possibilities. And with therapy, there’s a chance of a couples becoming better individuals.

Iconic Couple’s Halloween Costumes to Wear Together

Halloween is a fun time of year when you and your partner can put your creative minds together and rock a couple’s costume. The trick is to think outside the box and create something memorable.

There are plenty of go-to Halloween costumes for you and your partner to invoke feelings of nostalgia, humor, and amazement. Here are some iconic couple’s Halloween costumes for you to wear (and scare) together.

1. Creepy Couples

There are so many iconic, classic creepy couples for you and your other half to be for Halloween. Take a page from Tim Burton’s creations and go as Jack and Sally from the Nightmare Before Christmas, Kim and Edward from Edward Scissorhands, Beetlejuice and Lydia from Beetlejuice or Victor and Emily from The Corpse Bride.

If Burton’s characters don’t have the emotional response you need, take another direction and channel your inner Gomez and Morticia Addams. Alternatively, take it even further back and create a new age spin on a classic movie monster couple, Frankenstein’s monster and his bride.

2. Disney Duos

While one could argue that many of Tim Burton’s characters fall under the Disney umbrella, some look for a more lighthearted approach to their couple’s costume. Choose your favorite Disney couple to dress up as, either from the classic Disney Renaissance period or one of the more modern movies. Beauty and the Beast and Aladdin are Disney cartoon classics that are at the forefront of movie-goer’s minds right now due to the focus on their remakes.

It’s worth noting, that technically Princess Leia and Han Solo are now Disney characters, as are the Avengers. Now is a fun time to create cross-over costumes between new Disney and old or create a few scandals by mixing and matching your Disney couple.

3. Get Some Laughs

For the humorous couple, aim to get some laughs from your friends with a funny Halloween costume. Stick with something classic and cute such as Pacman and a ghost or be the two sides of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Play up the opportunity for puns by having one person dressed as Belle from Beauty and the Beast, and the other dressed as a taco. Alternatively, play it a little edgier and dress up as a plug and socket.

When aiming for some laughs, think of commercials, pop culture references, puns, and jokes that get you chuckling every time. A fan-favorite this year is Jake from State Farm and the angry wife on the phone.

4. Last Minute

If you’re one of those couples who has big ideas, then leaves everything to the last minute, this one is for you. The trick to a successful last-minute Halloween costume is being able to repurpose things you have at home, with a few things you can pick up at the local dollar store for a minimal investment.

Some common ideas are a fisherman and mermaid or hunter and deer or rabbit. Alternatively, go as social media with a cardboard cut out of an Instagram post or as Facebook in the style of Jim Halpert and a “like.” Whether you go for something pre-planned and elaborate, purchased from an online store or thrown together last-minute, remember to stick together and have fun.

 

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The Rise of the Blended Family in the UK

In the UK as is many other countries, divorce, separation, and repartnering are the norm, with many welcoming children from their partner’s former relationship into their home to live together as a family. The latest report from the Office for National Statistics recorded over half a million blended families with dependent children in England and Wales, with 28% of these families having three or more children. Without a doubt, walking the fine line between parent and friend can be challenging for parents of new blended families, and it is vital for spouses or partners to manage their situation with a sound and united strategy, working as a team to ensure the health and happiness of every person living in their home.

What are Some Problems that Blended Families can Encounter?

Parentline Plus, a hotline for parents with family issues, reported receiving over 14,000 calls in a single year from step parents with stepfamily issues. Research by psychologist, Lisa Doodson of Regent’s University London found that stepmothers had significantly higher levels of anxiety and depression than biological mothers, as well as a weaker support structure. Common problems can include a lack of time (parents find that they now have to spread the little time they may have between more children); sibling rivalry (children may find it hard to get along with their step siblings or compete for their parents’ attention, fearful that they will be loved less now that they are not living with both biological parents); and territorial issues (children can find it hard to have to share bedrooms, bathrooms, toys, etc. There can be initial difficulties establishing territory and limits). Parents can also struggle to get twice as many kids to get to after-school activities and lessons, while work and other personal and social demands.

Adaptation Takes Time

Research shows that it can take blended families at least four years to adjust to their new arrangement. Therefore, if you feel frustrated or powerless when it comes to managing so much change, know that it takes time to get to know your stepchildren and to negotiate the many rules and routines that may differ considerably from your own. Be patient and use humour to diffuse tense situations, and use tried-and-tested conflict resolution skills to reduce tension and focus on issues that arise, looking to solve these issues one by one. As time passes, you will start to appreciate the benefits that being part of a blended family can bring to your life. Things may be a bit more chaotic than they used to be, but they can also be more entertaining and the presence of more rather than less people in a household can actually be a source of support in terms of time, chores, company, and other essential life factors.

Building a Strategy

Before you begin to live as a blended family, it is important to time to discuss routines and rules with your new spouse or partner. Uniformity must prevail in a home if there is to be peace in a blended family. Therefore, some feel it is logical to ask new children arriving into the home to adapt to established routines, bedtimes, etc. This isn’t to say that your spouse’s considerations don’t matter. During your discussion, you might decide that some changes will be profitable for everyone in the family. Equality should prevail, but you should not feel like you don’t have the right to establish norms in your home.

 

Deciding on Conflict Resolution Norms

When norms for conflict aren’t established, arguments can quickly escalate. It is important that once children are mature enough to understand and learn conflict resolution skills, that conflict resolution skills be learned, to make for  peaceful, purposeful communication within your blended family. At a family meeting, you can explain to kids why using the right language is important. For instance, language such as “You always” or “You never” should be avoided, because they put the listener on the defensive and veer the discussion away from the actual problem you are trying to fix. The ultimate aim is for step siblings to see the family unit as a team. This way, conflicts can be seen as an opportunity to achieve outcomes rather than to ‘beat the opponent’.

Adding a Dash of Understanding

Be prepared for your stepchildren to utter, at some point during your life together, “You can’t tell me what to do, you’re not my mom/dad.” Understand that when they say this, they are essentially telling you they are hurting, they are finding it hard to adapt, and they may miss their old home structure with their biological parents. For some kids, discussing conflicts should be left for when the situation is calmer. Take the time you need to clear your mind when you feel like you are frustrated. Go for a walk, do some deep breathing, or meditate for a few moments, coming back to your stepchild when the tension has diffused a little. Explain that you are not trying to replace their parent, but that as an adult in the home, you need to establish ground rules across the board, for all kids living with you. When you speak to them, use humour and warmth to help them feel loved rather than chastised. A warm embrace and a smile can go a long way towards helping children understand that there is nothing personal about rules; they simply need to be set for the household to run as smoothly as possible.

If you are about to start a blended family living arrangement, it is important to be realistic and expect a few teething problems, both on your part and those of your existing and new kids. You and your partner can reduce the likelihood of conflict by agreeing on ground rules and explaining them together to your children in a family meeting. Be prepared for a few territorial fights and tears at first, but be resistant, don’t give in, and always stress the importance of approaching problems as a family. Take complaints as a sign your new kids may need a little reassurance and extra time and attention and do your best to give them as much support as they need. Once rules, schedules, and bedroom arrangements are set, you can start enjoying the diversity and fun involved in living together, seeing conflict as an opportunity to learn more about your biological and step children, but also about yourself.

7 Valid Reasons To Walk Away From A Long-Term Relationship

Breaking up with the person you love hurts like hell, especially if you’ve been together for a couple of years.

You’ve built your world around each other. You’ve made a lot of good and memories over the years and shared unforgettable experiences. You’ve faced many trials together and surpassed them out of love. It’s such a waste to end such a long and meaningful relationship and start over again.

But there are battles you cannot win over no matter how much you love the person. It’s when the relationship becomes toxic and draining to the point it’s not worth fighting for anymore.

Let’s not talk about the petty arguments about laziness, or small incompatibilities like introverted and extroverted personalities – you can work them out. But there are some circumstances which are extremely difficult or even impossible to resolve. These events tell you that it’s the end of the road. You have no choice but to give it up because you’ll destroy each other eventually if you choose to stay.

You may assume your long-time partner is the one. But if you’re still unmarried and you spot these red flags, it would be better rethink your relationship before the problem becomes unbearably damaging during your marriage.

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Happy & Healthy Marriage Advice Every Couple Should Use

Tying the knot is easy, it’s staying married that is the tricky part.

In order to be successful, you and your spouse must learn to compromise, respect each other, and communicate. Don’t let yourself forget how important your partner is to you.

If you want to have a happy, successful married life, then read on and learn the 10 best tips for a healthy marriage that every couple should be following.

  1. Always Put in the Effort

Getting married shouldn’t mean that end of dating – each other, obviously!

Putting in the effort to schedule a fun, sexy, or romantic date night is all about making your partner feeling loved, adored, and desired. These are important aspects of any healthy marriage.

Studies reveal other benefits of date night as well, such as heightened sexual and emotional intimacy, boredom prevention, and deeper communication.

  1. Build Lasting Trust

Trust is one of the most important parts of any healthy marriage.

Your partner should be the person you can tell your deepest secrets to without every worrying that they will judge you or share your stories with anyone else. Trust also means living with confidence that your spouse would never do anything to betray you nor you them.

  1. Play Like Friends

In a study about what makes a marriage last, treating a spouse like a best friend rated as one of the biggest indicators of success. Research also indicates that couples who laugh together regularly are more likely to stay together than those who do not.

Your best friend is the first person you think to call when something exciting happens. They are the person you want to go to concerts with, the person you trust, and the person who can always make you laugh. So, why shouldn’t this person be your spouse?

  1. Don’t Expect Perfection

Part of having a healthy married life is about having realistic expectations about your partner and loving them for who they are, not who you wish they would become.

People naturally mature as they grow older. They grow and change in various ways. Perhaps they even quit bad habits such as smoking or staying up all hours of the night. Your spouse may change their opinion about getting a pet, decide they actually do want kids, or may even change careers after marriage.

But, those are their own decisions. While you have every right to weigh in, offer you opinion, and give support as a spouse – thinking that you can be the cause of change in your partner is a fruitless challenge that will only leave you shaking your head.

  1. Maintain Your Sex Life

Sex is arguably the biggest way in which couples bond both emotionally and physically. The oxytocin released during intercourse is largely responsible for stress-reduction, mood elevation, and is the biggest predictor in heightened emotional intimacy in married couples.

An active sex life also promotes bonding, and is scientifically shown to deepen trust.

Plus, it’s fun.

  1. Pursue Separate Interests

Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you always have the same interests. It is just as important to pursue separate interests as is it to share hobbies and goals.

Maintaining solo hobbies and social lives will help each spouse hang onto their sense of self outside the relationship. In turn, this confidence will strengthen the marriage bond.

  1. Do New Things Together

According to twentieth century philosopher Rudolf Steiner, people change their opinions and interests every seven years. So, if the changing of body and mind is inevitable, do your utmost to ensure you and your spouse are changing and growing in the same direction.

One way you can do this is by sharing new things together. Take up a class, instrument, language, or start a new hobby like exercising or photography. By taking up these challenges together, you’ll be able to deepen the connection in your married life.

  1. Be Partners

Your spouse is not simply the person you married, they are your partner. By marrying them it means that you have entered into a partnership, so always treat it like one. Decisions are made together, issues are talked about respectfully, and each spouse’s feelings, thoughts, and opinions are to be treated with care.

Just like in a business, you and your spouse are working toward the same goal together in order to profit your relationship.

  1. Learn to Compromise

This step may be difficult for those who are used to getting what they want. But, being in a marriage means melding two different lives together. As with any couple, this is bound to cause you two to butt heads every once in a while. This is where the art of compromise comes in.

Marrying the love of your life means everything isn’t always about you anymore. You are building a family together as partners, not enemies. Learn to pick your battles. Decide what is important to you and what isn’t worth your instance.

  1. Don’t Go to Bed Angry

This age-old advice had been around for decades for a reason. Going to bed angry is a hurtful thing to do to both partners. You’ll end up losing sleep, hurting your spouse for your lack of communication and understanding, and be hurting your brain in the process. Literally.

Studies prove that by going to bed angry, you are actually encouraging your brain to hold onto negative emotions that will be harder to get rid of then if you had simply called a truce before bed.

Sure, there are some issues that could be put on hold until morning, but you should always strive to kiss and make up before bedtime.

Being married is a rewarding adventure, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t bumps along the way. By following these 10 tips, you’ll be setting yourself up for a healthy marriage for years to come.

Moving In Together? Here’s Everything You Need To Talk About Before The Big Day

If you’ve been seeing your significant other for a while and all is well in your relationship, the next step may involve living together. In the UK, more people than ever are cohabiting before getting married, and a survey has revealed that living in a couple is the most popular living arrangement for those aged 16 and over. Moving in together may be one of the best ways to strengthen your bond, and it could potentially be a financially sound move. However, living together presents a few challenges, both relationship and money-wise, and there are things that you and your partner need to consider before the big day. To keep the love alive and to ensure that all goes well between you and your SO, here’s everything you need to talk about before moving in.

When should you move in?

Is there such a thing as the right time to start living together? In a Bridebook poll in 2017 which involved 4,000 British couples, it was revealed that the average couple dated for 17 months before moving in together. Bridebook’s founder, Hamish Shephard, said that the findings indicate that living together before tying the knot can “clearly be very positive steps to finding ‘the one’ and having a fantastic long-lasting marriage.”

Although the survey shows that most pairs wait at least a year before making the next step, identifying the ideal timeline for moving in together can be difficult—each relationship is different, after all. But you can take a good look at your relationship to find cues whether it’s the right time to cohabitate. Experts say that once you and your significant other understand and are willing to live with each other’s habits, then that’s a good sign that you can consider moving in. Being open and comfortable talking about money and finances is also a positive sign.

My place or yours?

Another thing to consider before moving in is where you’ll live. Should your partner move into your place, or should you be the one to relocate? When it comes to sharing a place, ultimately, the best thing that you and your SO could do is look for the best option that would make sense for your lifestyle and budget. For instance, if your partner owns a home and you’re renting, then it may be better for you to move into your loved one’s place. However, if your place is located near you and your SO’s respective places of work, then it may make more sense for your partner to move into your flat.

There’s also a matter of space—who currently lives in a place that can comfortably accommodate two adults? If you have the bigger home and the extra closet space, then your partner may want to move into your place. As for buying a new home together, it may be prudent to hold off on investing in a shared property until you decide to get married. Not only will it be less complicated, but it saves both of you from the trouble and heartache of dividing possessions and the home should the relationship not work out in the end.

My aesthetic vs your style

If you and your partner share the same taste in interior design, then you may skip this part. But if your SO prefers a traditional style while you lean towards an edgy and modern aesthetic, then you may have to sit down and talk about how you can compromise on this matter. A home should reflect both of your sensibilities, so finding out how to combine the best of both worlds is your best bet so both of you can enjoy and appreciate the decor. The best thing that you can do is to hire a professional interior designer who can successfully put together elements from each of your preferred styles. If money is a little tight, make a project out of it with your partner and learn to compromise and find a balance. This means that if your partner wants traditional furniture in the living room, then you can have an edgy and sleek fireplace and a state-of-the-art home entertainment system in the same space.

Having “the talk”

Talking about finances and paying bills may not be the most romantic things that you can do with your partner. You may not even look forward to having the money talk with your loved one as it can get awkward or uncomfortable. However, it’s one of the most important things that you should do to have a healthy relationship. Experts say that being honest and open about your finances can improve the trust and quality  in your relationship. Moreover, it reduces the chances of having big financial problems in the future.

So how do you have “the talk” with your partner? The first thing is to determine your household expenses. This may involve rent, association dues, utilities, and groceries. Some people think that splitting the cost evenly is the right thing to do, however, this only works if you and your partner are earning the same—or close to the same—amount of money on a regular basis. If your partner is earning considerably less than you, then it may be difficult for your SO to pay their half. If this is the case, you can cover the bigger expenses, such as the rent, electricity, and water bill, then perhaps your partner can cover the groceries and the cost of your cable or Internet.

For personal expenses such as clothes, salon visits, and haircuts, each of you should be responsible for this and take care of your respective purchases. Also, don’t expect your partner to pay your credit card bills or insurance—you should take care of that on your own, the same way you always had before moving in.

Keeping the romance alive while living together

Living together makes you privy to all your partner’s habits and quirks, and you may discover something new each day about each other. But even though you’re living in the same space, it’s crucial to keep the spark alive to ensure a happy relationship. Make quality time for each other—remember that living together doesn’t mean that you’re spending lots of time together every day. Continue to go on date nights and flirt with each other. If it’s been a tough month, by all means, stay in, but make your meal a romantic one by lighting candles and playing soft music. Going the extra mile even though you’re living together is always worth it if you’re doing it for the person you love.

By being open, honest, and having the willingness to compromise, you and your partner can have a happy relationship while living under the same roof. As time goes by, there may be ups and downs as you continue to discover new things about each other, but be reminded that no matter what, it’s the love—and not the house—that binds you together.

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Why You Should Try NSA Relationship?

In this day and age the life has become very fast. We have more expectations and our aims are high. To follow our aims we work really hard from morning to evening unless we are fully tired. We need some love when we come back from work. We don’t want to follow the same routine without any fun or crazy thing.

We come back and spend time with our life partner or girlfriend and have sex. It relaxes us. In some cases it gets boring to do the same thing with same person every day. So, we look for some new women whom we can love and have sex with.Continue reading

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Top Tips To Finding Love After A Divorce Or The Death Of A Spouse

“Love recognizes no barriers, it jumps hurdles, leaps fences, and penetrate walls to arrive at its destination, full of hope,” quotes Maya Angelou. While real love, as described by Angelou, keeps marriages strong, sometimes divorce is the healthiest options for couples. Besides separation, the other common and more natural way that marriages end is through death. Losing a spouse to death changes the world around you and subjects you to sorrow and grief. You may experience guilt for being the one who is alive or get mad at your deceased partner for leaving you. But should you live like that forever, or should you move on?

The 18th-century writer Samuel Johnson defined remarriage as ‘the triumph of hope over experience.’ This can be perceived as a cynical statement to mean that if you have been married once, you ought to know better than to remarry. But his witticism also expresses a more positive and more profound truth about the human nature that we are all hopeful species especially when it comes to fulfilling the most basic human need: to love and be loved. So, why not be hopeful?

Ask a lot of questions

A date relates to an interview because you are actively trying to learn more about the person to see if they are a good match for you. Many people get nervous during dates, and as a result, they end up talking too much about themselves. Instead, you should compose yourself and try to learn something about your date as well. Knowing the other person is crucial, hence you should not hurry up down the aisle with them, even if you were in love before your divorce. This is because your relationship is on an entirely different footing; it is no longer a secretive affair which in most cases scraps off most of the excitement.

Don’t talk much about your ex-partner

One thing that your date does not want to hear is how your former partner was a jerk or was not adhering to your agreement. If you dwell too much on the negatives from your past relationship, you will most likely never hear from them again. Therefore, you should try to concentrate as much as possible on the present and the future. In case your divorce comes up, keep it brief, shallow and resist from cursing. Some of the words you should refrain from include depressed, devastated, heartbroken, bitter and deadbeat.

Love yourself

“Does the person bring the best in me?” Do I like myself when around this person?” these questions emphasize whether your date is a good fit for you. If you are dating a person who makes you feel bad about yourself, you might find that everything you do is inclined towards making them love you more, and on most occasions, they cannot. Instead of trying to make such a situation work, accept that they are not the one and that you need to move on for your well-being.

Don’t talk much about kids

Your children are your pride and joy, and they are in most cases, a significant part of your life. In this line, your date is not with you to talk about them the entire time but to know you and what defines you when you are not a parent. Similarly, when people find love after divorce, they often want their kids to dive and join in the happiness. They do not realize that children might require more time to adjust. Therefore, you should not hasten to introduce your children in a bid to solidify the bond. It is vital to understand that just because you are dating your soulmate, it does not mean that your kids feel connected to those of your partner. As such, don’t force them to spend time with each other but give everyone time to accept the new arrangement.

Be understanding

Put in mind that divorcees shuffle a lot of issues including kids, job, and more. Dating as a divorcee is significantly different than when you were younger. Therefore, issues like last minute rainchecks, kids despising you and your partner’s ex being rude to you are typical scenarios to expect. In addition, there might be days they fail to talk to you, and though they might not manage to see you as often as you want, it is essential to remain calm and understanding; those are just the constraints of dating after divorce or death of a spouse.

Find Yourself

A bit of time to yourself after losing your spouse, through whichever means, allows you to reflect and get to know yourself again. You may not feel like you’ve lost yourself but when you’ve been part of a relationship for a long time, you can lose some sense of yourself as an individual. Give yourself time to breathe, reflect on your own wants and needs and get to know yourself. You can rethink your sense of style, your ambitions in life and where you hope to spend your later years, even with a new partner.

How long to wait

Whether your previous marriage ended with death or divorce, you need time to recover. You have gone through a significant life transition and you ought to get in touch with your emotions before indulging in another serious commitment. Also, for divorcees, try to understand what went amiss, and if you find yourself laying 100% of the blame on your ex, you may not be entirely realistic. Until you have acknowledged your role in the separation, you are likely in danger of repeating the same mistake. In fact, a period of self-examination is vital. Also, therapy might be helpful as it clears off any emotional baggage so that you do not drag it into your next marriage.

After a divorce, no one scores 100% in dating and remarriage because the past always sticks with you to a certain degree. Remarried couples will always have to deal with issues from previous marriages. However, openness, honesty, patience and mutual support are the keys to a successful remarriage. The good news is that the union is more likely to be successful because partners are more experienced and more mature than they previously were. It might not be fair to term remarriage as the ‘triumph of hope over experience’; it could be that very experience you have gained that grants you a reason to remain strong and hopeful.

 

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How To Stop Money Problems From Ending In Divorce

In the list of Top 10 reasons for a marriage to end in divorce in the UK, money problems come in third. As observed by lawyers specialising in divorce law, money problems put a major strain on couples; so much so that in 2010 (the aftermath of the financial crisis) many decided to call it quits. It is difficult to keep the flame burning when bills continue to pile up, so if money’s too tight to mention, be aware of its potential to risk the stability or your relationship and take the necessary steps to ensure you and your better half are financially and personally stable.

Starting early

If you are newly married and you frequently argue about money with your partner, consider this a warning sign. Researchers have found that in the ‘honeymoon’ stage of relationships, “Arguments about money is by far the top predictor of divorce. It’s not children, sex, in-laws or anything else. It’s money — for both men and women.” When you argue with your partner frequently, it is difficult to feel responsive and loving towards them. Worst of all, when you are stressed, it can be hard to find the mental clarity you need to sit with your partner, analyze your finances, and make a few necessary changes. Sound financial planning is key for couples at all stages of their lives but especially when economic times are tough. By working on resolving your difference and reducing tension at home, you can work on a long-term strategy together.

Sharing costs

Research indicates that equality seems to promote stability – especially when it comes to finances. Couples who feel that they are part of a team in which everyone contributes money towards bills can feel that they are being treated more fairly, than those who feel overburdened by having to assume all expenses. The truth is that although modern couples don’t necessarily aim to be millionaires, they do perceive that living on a very small income can be highly stressful. This is especially true when they are struggling to pay the bills or do not have a savings account they can turn to on a rainy day. Sometimes, households simply cannot meet all their expenses unless both partners contribute.

Money can’t buy you love

While it is true that financial stress can hamper a couple’s happiness, wealth is not everything, which is something couples should keep in mind in hard times. Research shows that overly materialistic couples fare worse than more spiritually inclined couples when it comes to communication, conflict resolution, and responsiveness. Interestingly, researchers have noted that the way a couple perceives their finances is more important than the actual money they have. By keeping your focus on the value of your relationship rather than the wealth you are building up, keeping that loving feeling alive becomes easier. Sharing tasks is also important. Couples as a whole seek some sort of equity, so that if one spouse works from home while the other works in an office, home tasks such as cleaning and cooking should be fairly divided.

How can you talk about money without causing couple strife?

If money objectively does have the capacity to destroy marriages, what steps can you take to ensure this doesn’t happen to you? You essentially have three choices when times are tough financially: you can take steps to improve your situation, avoid facing the facts, or adapt to a tighter budget. The first strategy – informing yourself, making changes to your budget, and creating a strategy for the months ahead – is the most proactive and arguably the most useful in the long run. Creating a Plan B for your future will help you feel that financial worries are all temporary and surmountable.

What stops couples from moving forward during financial crises

Some of the biggest problems standing in the way of couples include lack of (or too much) information, poor communication between partners, and poor time management or lack of time to do the research. Try to work as a team, dividing tasks if need be until you talk to the right people or find interesting information online. If you have kids, try to teach them the basics of financial literacy early. As soon as they are able to, they should learn about concepts such as loans, interests, credit etc. so that as they enter into adulthood, they refrain from buying things that are simply above their means, or borrowing more than they can reasonably pay. Scientists note that today’s young couples want a big wedding, a home, cars etc. but it is sometimes important to take things in small steps, opting to spend less so as to enjoy financial stability later in their lives.

Having a talk once a year

Get together at least once a year with your partner to have a ‘reality check’. Talk about old and new financial goals – including saving for a family holiday, paying off credit, or taking out a private pension. During this talk, you can agree to discuss (non-defensively) any concerns you may be having. For instance, rising interest rates might mean one of you is paying off a higher amount on a loan, and this needs to be factored into your respective contributions if you have different accounts. This is also a good time to bring up hopes and dreams. Is there an experience or item that would make your life a lot more meaningful? Is there a caprice you would love to treat yourself to? You might be surprised to learn that your partner also sees value in what you do. It is important to support each other as much as possible, so long as any expense incurred is not unrealistic or above your means. Of course, in addition to this ‘big talk’, smaller discussions should take place throughout the year.

‘Give and take’ is key when it comes to staying together ‘through the good and bad’. Partners can agree to see their financial success as a team goal; one that both partners do their share to fulfil either in a paid or unpaid fashion. By being aware that financial instability is a stressor, and committing to tackling it proactively, couples can ensure that strife is temporary, and that stress does not take away the most important thing they have: each other.

 

find love online

8 Dating Hacks from Single Women

Skeptics will tell you there is no way you can have dating hacks, but we’re here to prove them wrong. Listed below are the top 8 hacks from single women of all ages and backgrounds that can help you find love online, and keep you sane in the process.

#1: Choose the Lowest Possible Distance

Using the distance filter at home or when traveling proves to be very useful on so many levels. There is no time wasted on someone who just lives too far away when you’re not at all interested in a long-distance relationship, plus planning a first date is far easier with someone who lives nearby. If there are no good prospects in the area, you can always increase the range little by little.

#2: Check them out on Social Media

One of the easiest ways to weed out the guys who don’t seem like a good match is to check them out on social media. Find them on Instagram or Twitter, and send them a friend request on Facebook. If they don’t reply to the request, they’ve probably got something to hide. Keeping in mind that most people put the best possible photos of themselves on display online, take the time to try and dig out something that may attest to the fact that person might not be such a good match.

#3: Only Use Apps in the Morning

If you only swipe in the morning, you’ll save yourself plenty of time at midday, plus you’ll see which users are up at a decent hour. If you swipe him right, and he doesn’t reply until 3 pm, what could that tell you? Among other things, that he works nights, which could involve dangerous situations or drugs and alcohol, just to name a few.

#4: Standards Can Be Flexible

Not everyone you meet will be marriage material, but that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t be awesome for a (few) one-night stands. Maybe you don’t like what they do, the way they dress or they just seem they could be trouble down the road, but that doesn’t mean you have to be in a relationship with them. Maybe their smile is irresistible, and they’re a really good kisser. That’s a great candidate to have some fun with despite your high standards!

#5: Engage Your Dog to Help

Who says that a date has to take place on a Saturday night? How about a Sunday morning at your local off-leash dog park? You can get a better idea of what someone is like when you see them during the day than when they posh up for evening, plus it’s harder to put the moves on someone at 10am than at 10pm, which will give you a better picture of the kind of person you’re dealing with. Also, you can tell a lot about a person based on how they interact with animals!

#6: Dance

It’s true that not all guys out there would be thrilled to be seen on the dance floor, but if a cutie you’re chatting up on Tinder plans to seducing you right, he better start on the dance floor! Dancing can be extremely sensual, which isn’t necessarily what you have to go for, but it can tell you a lot about a person’s level of self-confidence.

#7: Let Him Woo You

It’s nice to be in control on your dates, and in many cases it’s also a turn on, but sometimes you just need to let go, and let your date court you old-school style. Allowing yourself to be wooed doesn’t make you any less of a feminist, and doesn’t mean you’re giving up the right to vote! Finally, if the guy is willing to invest his time and energy into the courtship process, that sets the stage for a fulfilling relationship down the road.

#8: Don’t Forget to be Yourself

There are plenty of people out there searching for the exact same things that you have to offer. Hate Sci-Fi? Love sports? Don’t be afraid to say that! We all like to travel and think we’re not difficult, but that’s not what makes you unique. Fly your flag openly and catch the right kind of fish, instead of the slippery one!

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