Relationships are hard work, and even the best ones require stubborn tenacity from both partners. However, not all relationships are meant to last. Some were never right from the beginning, while others have served their purpose and run their course. How can you tell if your relationship is worth fixing, or whether it is time to walk away? Here are 5 signs you are in the wrong relationship.
If you and your mate just had a big fight, it is normal to have trouble concentrating on anything else for a bit. Having a good cry or taking a long walk are healthy ways of expressing your emotions before talking out the issues. In a good relationship though, you know that both of you are committed to working things out. This makes it easier to put difficulties in perspective and avoid ruminating on the drama of the moment.
If you are in the wrong relationship, you probably spend a great deal of time worrying about your relationship. You might obsessively replay conversations in your head, looking for hidden meanings, become fixated on something that one of you said, or even start to dread being with your partner for fear of having another fight. If the negative emotions outweigh the positive ones over a period of time, it might be time to move on.
When you are in the wrong relationship, your perceptions will likely become distorted. You might read hidden meanings into innocent statements or behaviours, while minimising the things that are more serious. A common reaction to a bad relationship is making excuses or justifying your partner’s behaviour. If you constantly find yourself thinking up reasons for him to come home late, or apologising to friends for her cancelling plans at the last minute, your relationship might not be right.
Occasional personality conflicts are inevitable, and everyone has a horror story about a relative’s partner that they simply cannot get along with. So don’t read too much into one or two people’s opinions. Overall though, the people who love you want you to be happy. If your friends and family express strong dislike for your partner, or concern for your emotional well-being, take them seriously.
Do you feel like you are always apologising for conflicts that happen in the relationship? Have you stopped enjoying your hobbies and interests? Do you wish there was a way to fix yourself? In a healthy relationship, both partners encourage each other to be the best they can be, but in a kind and loving way that demonstrates emotional support and genuine pride in each other’s successes. If your relationship is unhealthy, you might feel like you don’t have a voice. Constant criticism, even in the name of “teasing,” minimising your accomplishments, or making you feel like something is wrong with you are just a few of the ways that your partner might undermine your self-esteem.
We all have gut instincts that help us tell right from wrong. It can be tough to separate your actual instincts from the effects of fear and doubt, especially if you have been hurt before. So don’t pay too much attention to passing thoughts, particularly those that occur to you during heated moments. When your gut brain really feels something is wrong, it will let you know.
When your relationship is wrong, your mind will wander to doubts even in the quiet moments. Though everything seems fine on the surface, you might start thinking about past loves or wondering how it would feel to date someone new. You might also begin to ruminate on things that have happened during your relationship, such as hurtful verbal exchanges or behaviours you can’t quite explain. If you start to experience these thoughts, take some time to sit down and truthfully analyse your relationship. You might realize that you are ready to walk away.
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