It seems that we all know how crushing it can feel to say goodbye to someone with whom we shared that phenomenon called love. All the sad and beautiful things that can happen to one couple prove to be the best lessons that life can teach us. Time makes havoc in relationships and one day you realize that you are still in that relationship due to inertia. There is no longer love, there is no desire, there is no longer interest. It can happen to you, it can happen to your boyfriend or by chance to both at the same time. In the end, we both wonder why the interest in our partner is suddenly lost. Or maybe it’s not so sudden and you have not seen the signs that were clearly in front both of you. So, is it just that we have grown tired and want to experiment with a new person? Or there is much more to it than the pure sexual pleasure. Let us take a look for a moment what science can say about this.
The loss of interest in your partner does not happen overnight. All the sex advice seminars, exotic trips, hidden dildo in the bedroom closet and various roleplays and still not a single spark to light the flame. Our foul human nature has a tendency to perceive the problems as they are only when they reach their maximum. These are the moments when we stop for a minute to think about how it came to be that such passion that we once use to have for a dear partner has turned to “cold shoulder” phase.
One famous French writer famously said: “Love is like a bowl of soup. In the beginning, it is too hot to even take a sip. But, in the end, it’s so cold and stale that you don’t even want to eat it.” Chances are that you have already felt this sad reality on your skin. Is it just that we as mammals need to have an as diverse sexual life as it is intended by the code of nature or is our immaturity to be blamed for?
Scientists from Harvard University have concluded in their “What is Love” 1993 experiment that took 7 years to complete and thousands of participants that love is a chemical reaction that lasts 7 years at best in the most faithful couples. That said, it is clear that even the most romantic souls among us need to understand that losing the affection for a partner is above all natural thing and that “…and they lived happily ever after” rarely ever happens in reality. Boredom is also to be blamed. And how it can not be?
Only those who spent most of their life with a single partner can speak in favor of the previous statement. No one is born as a superman and all of us have their limits in everything as well as the mastery we think we have while being naughty with our partner in the comfort of the bedroom. At some point, all couples grow aware of their limits and they tend to be satisfied with what they have with a consolatory explanation that they need to be grateful with what they have.
But unfortunately, even that has its limits. The signs that clearly start to unfold in front of us usually start to develop at this point. Then there is an affair. Cheating. Blaming. The chaos that was never intended somehow took hold of everything and the love fairytale that you two use to have transformed itself into a horrific tragedy. And all of it simply because of the lack of interest. If only there was some magic wand to cast a spell and turn the bowl of soup to the point of deliciousness… Then who is to be blamed at the end? And what is there to be done when things start to get cold?
When your intuition tells you that something is wrong you should nonetheless pay attention to it! Many times it’s just a warning system to prepare ourselves for the imminent danger. When you begin to notice certain changes in your relationship, do not close your eyes. But open them as wide as you can and observe everything with both your eyes, mind and that strange unexplainable feeling inside your stomach that tells you that something must be wrong. These are the moments when things start to go wrong.
There are always details or attitudes that make you understand the complexity of the situation, but sadly for the most time we only see what we want and ignore other useful signals. A couple will usually show their concern only when something negative happens.
The great indication that they want to lead separate lives is their lack of interest in partners problems, goals and other things of mutual concern. In cases where one partner is always busy or when they do not call ahead to warn that they will not arrive for the plans that are always organized by you, all of this indicates the lack of disposition in the relationship. It will become very clear that you are the only one who worries about what you both have together.
This descent of desire can have the root in the loss of novelty when entering the stage of routine and sexual monotony. For this, there are games, eroticism, different practices that we can add to our relationships to get to the light that famous “spark”. But, as always, we must start by talking, communicating sincerely to our partner what has not motivated us and what we would like and often this is the most difficult step.
In the end, after all the scientific research, blaming everything on the hormones and various factors that can’t be influenced, everything has come to that simple yet hardly given sincerity. Look your partner in the eye next time the “cold shoulder” starts to develop and just maybe you two are that couple that happily lived ever after…