A happy marriage is a togetherness of two persons understanding, respecting and loving each other. Another aspect of that happiness is two people having a satisfactory sex life. Not enjoying with the spouse physically is a common reason of divorce. It is important to know, however, that as important sex life it is, it is absurd to stop fighting for your marriage just because sex is not that great anymore. Instead, try fighting to make sex great once again. Sexual dysfunctions (vaginal dryness, low sexual arousal, lack of orgasm, impotence…) can be the cause of many problems in marriage, but none of them is irresolvable.
If you have decided to share your life with someone, than you must have agreed on sharing your thoughts with him/her. You would be surprised just how many times the silence between spouses was a cause of some sexual problem. Women with low sexual arousal will, for instant, keep that a secret from their partners because they will not want for men to think the problem is in them. Men who have problems to maintain erection during sex, will be ashamed of that and will rather avoid talking about it, than solving the problem and reassuring their partners they still feel attractiveness. Not sharing your concerns in marriage can lead to some long term silence with devastating consequences.
According to a research published in British Medical Bulletin, impairments of sexual function and satisfaction can be linked with depression. Sexual dysfunction can cause depression with both spouses – the one feeling its consequences directly and the one suffering for it indirectly. First one can be stressed out because he/she feels damaged, while the other one can suffer because he/she misses the sex life and feels like a part of the fault is his/her. For this problem, solutions should be sought after in conversation and also in couple therapies.
Let us be honest, there are no excuses for infidelity – after all, the wedding vows accentuate that part “for better or worse”. Still, it is also true that when one spouse lacks of desire or possibility to perform its “marital duties” the other will want to seek alternatives and that can lead to often changes of partners. The worst thing is that in many cases spouse with dysfunction feels guilty and does not blame a cheating husband. Couples tend to solve these problems by being honest and trying out new things. As a matter of fact, people from Red Door Agency have noticed that more and more couples are coming to them precisely to work those problems out.
When people start throwing blames on the marriage wall, something will definitely stick. We are not trying to say that marriages with great sex life have no problems whatsoever and that those spouses do not argue with each other. Still, when one aspect is terribly wrong, it is hard to keep other ones working. It is then when partners stop appreciate each other and blame one another, because that is much easier than stop and consider about responsibility and start solving the problem. The key to solve this problem is to understand each other and willingness to listen and talk. Placing the marriage on the top of the priority list is essential.
If there is something worse than fighting (and sometimes even cheating) it is pretending that everything is ok. You can only fake an orgasm so many times. Sooner or later, you will get tired of that, and if your partner realizes the truth, he/she will not be able to trust you again. Also, you will only do yourself harm. If you discuss the problems now, you can search for solutions. Some of them might include experimenting, using sex toys, role playing, etc. Sometimes, all it takes is a small step out of your comfort zone.
Possibly the worst marriage problem ever – giving up on your life with a person you have promised to be until death do you part. First, you give up on sex entirely, and “not in the mood” becomes a constant state for both of you. As the time goes by, you give up any form of tenderness and communication. In the end, you give up on each other. The lack of sexual arousal and orgasm is bad, but the lack of person you love is worse. Realizing that is the first step towards resolving your issues.
Marriage life is not a straightforward path. It is a curvy trail full of obstacles, but with the amazing goal of growing old together. Love is the car driving you down that road, trust – the fuel, respect – the tires and sex – the oil. It is not as crucial as the rest of the parts but it will make everything run smooth.