Love is an incredibly powerful emotion, even scientists can agree on that. But so called boffin wisdom goes on to insist that when we fall in love our bodies are aching and racing with hormones, adrenaline and pheromones – physical reactions driven by our oh-so smitten hearts.
Now wearing glasses doesn’t make me a scientist, so I’ll take their word for it. But after 26 blissful years with my husband, I can see why it’s way too easy for some people to undermine the very foundations of their loving relationship while innocently working their hardest to make it a long, strong, robust affair. Thankfully, we’ve always taken a different approach to ensure we build a relationship our hearts love which is why I want to share our secret with you.
You see, when you topple over the parapet and fall in love, you’re completely in tune with your heart. There’s no logic, no reason, no rhyme, nothing but your molecules communicating one on one with those of your heart’s true desire –the person with whom you’ll build a relationship your heart will love.
But then, disaster strikes. As human beings, all too often we go and screw it up!
Relationship mistake 101: having found our soulmate with our heart’s blind, raw emotion, we then try and build a relationship with our head’s logic, reason and rhyme.
Our hearts are immensely powerful, life-supporting bits of kit that only have two requests:
a) “Don’t clog me up by munching on too much fried cheese” – seems fair.
b) “Shut the brain up and let me do my job of ensuring you have a loving, committed relationship that lasts as long as I do” – seems a good deal, really.
If you want to build a relationship your heart will love, give it its head! That’s the secret.
And here’s the recipe…
A strong relationship that will endure anything and everything that it collides with in life relies on both partners being completely, wholly, totally open with each other. Sometimes, with the very best of intentions to keep from hurting the other’s feelings, it seems better not to say what we really mean – a nice sentiment, potentially. Unfairly though, all too often this leads to miscommunication which can pierce the hull of even the strongest relationship. ‘Open’ is strong because it says ‘I love you’ enough to tell you. Not being truly open and genuine will fall very short in the heart’s expectations. Only the real, heartfelt ‘you’ speaking is going to satisfy the positive emotions of a forever relationship.
There is categorically no room for dishonesty in a decent, loving relationship that has a future and no, I don’t need scientific data to back that up. Suspicion and insecurity will be rife when partners are deceitful or untruthful, even if this only happens a few times. The heart demands to know where it stands and any doubt will cause it to fall out of love very quickly. However, mutual trust built from honesty on both sides engenders feelings of security and commitment which is a better buttress to every heart than anything the Great Wall of China thinks it can show us about longevity.
Love isn’t blind – that’s just cliché nonsense. Love is priceless, not blind… loyalty on the other hand, oh now that’s wears a blacker blindfold than any knife thrower ever dared put on. Partners who build a relationship that’s truly loving and enduring are loyal beyond anything social customs, peer pressure or even authority could ever challenge. The person they fell totally in love with is still the one standing in front of them, five, ten, fifty years on. Hearts are strong, super strong but even they rely on the armor of loyalty for defense.
Want to see a heart leap higher for joy than it did when it first fell in love? Easy. Tell it that your love is forever. That’s it, right there, nothing difficult, no hoops to leap through, simple. A truly committed partner understands this is the cornerstone of a lasting relationship. Eliminating doubt that your heart will be held forever is the greatest possible freedom from loneliness and feeling incomplete. That’s going to let every heart take gold medal in the high jump, every time.
Seemingly strong relationships can fail on the track of love through the fierceness of competition between partners. Vying for dominance, recognition, even greater attention all seriously over challenge the heart which is way too busy trying to keep us upright, breathing and talking to be match fit enough to constantly beat an opponent who’s supposed to be a team mate – that’s so not going to happen, think about it. Truly regarding a partner as an equal in every area of life will build a stage where you both wear the crown, your heart will see to that. It will even make sure you’re super fit in the love stakes, now that’s a good deal.
Oh, life’s too busy. Way too busy, too filled with trying to get through the days, make enough money, put a roof over our heads, keep up with technology, blah, blah blah! And even though really decent, loving couples know that making time for each other is key to a lasting relationship, they can still fall short of satisfying the heart’s need for fun – pure, carefree, genuine fun. There’s no greater relationship stress buster, argument healer, love builder or memory maker than laughing and playing together. Fun is the ultimate detox than will keep a good relationship healthy forever. Seriously, you’ve got to go from the heart on this one.
Want to build a relationship your heart will love? Give it its head. I did and it gets better every single day.