The possibilities of making the kinds of connections you want are very realistic, and many long lasting relationships and marriages have begun via online dating services, not to mention casual relationships as well if that is what you prefer. The possibilities are all right there and waiting for you, but there are a few key rules you need to know and follow in order to find your perfect date online. Download to learn The Golden Rules of Online Dating – 6 essential rules to finding the perfect online date!
How many failed relationships do you have behind you? Why did they fail? Could any of them be saved? Relationships break all the time. Sometimes it’s difficult to break up, and sometimes we are so sick and tired of everything that a break-up comes as a sort of relief. Still, if you are in a relationship you care about, you probably don’t want it to end. So, what can you do if you’ve hit a rough patch? Here are suggestions.
After you’ve been in a relationship for a while, the excitement wears off. Your partner isn’t something new and exciting in your life, but something that’s been around for a while, and is not as thrilling anymore. Your relationship may become a source of frustration, and you may start thinking that it’s simply not worth it. Now is the time to stop and re-evaluate everything. Why do you love your partner? What are some of their great characteristics that make them an important part of your life? Do they make you a better person? Just thinking about this can be enough for you to realize that you’ve been taking them for granted, and gain a fresh perspective on your relationship.
Communication is one of the most important things in any relationship, romantic or otherwise. You need to be able to clearly say what you want, and what you won’t stand for. That’s the easy part. The tricky part is choosing your words and timing. If you think that your partner drinks too much, don’t say so when they’re already drunk. Wait for them to start thinking clearly once again, and speak to them calmly and rationally about the problem. Do not make the conversation about them, make it about the problem.
You and your partner need to admit that your relationship is facing a difficult period. Once you do, you can consciously make working on it a priority. You can skip your cocktail night with the girl in order to spend a bit more time with your significant other. He doesn’t have to watch the game if you need emotional support because you’re going through a rough patch at work, or having a family crisis. Both of you need to make a conscious effort to rediscover each other as your support system, romantic partner, and best friend.
Find some activities you like doing together. Are you both into golf? Head straight to Swing Eagle and get some lessons together. Always wanted to learn a new language? Find a language school and start learning French or Spanish. Find something you both enjoy, and spend some meaningful time together. It will strengthen your bond and it will prevent you from thinking that your time together is spent on just being together, without any other benefit. Don’t overdo it, though. You shouldn’t feel like your significant other is invading every single aspect of your life, which leads us to our next point.
You need to set boundaries. That means telling your partner clearly that you need some time for yourself. You probably don’t want your partner present at every girls’ or boys’ night, and you need to communicate that sentiment clearly. Maybe you just need some me-time, and it is absolutely within your rights to say so. Of course, you need to respect your partner’s boundaries as well. It’s not healthy to let your life revolve around a single person. It makes you feel dependent and weak. You simply need to make a point of having a fulfilled life on your own, and then you can commit to a healthy relationship.
To forgive is to leave all the negative emotions behind and move on. True forgiveness will let you forget the painful memories and focus on the future of your relationship. If you continue to linger on hurtful memories you will only prolong the agony. Achieving a peaceful and harmonious relationship is going to require a lot of hard work and dedication. It is a continuous process and both of you will have to show each other that you care and that you are willing to give it your all.
Talk to your friends and family. Ask them if they have ever been through a similar situation. Even though what you are going through might be different, you will still learn a lot from their experience. Every story might give you a different perspective on what ails you and possibly an unique way of saving your relationship. You can also be encouraged by stories of others, once you realize that people whose relationships were in a much worse spot are still living happily together, you might feel that your problems are not as bad as you have initially thought.
Sex is a very important aspect of a relationship. It is also usually the first thing to disappear if there is something wrong. It brings you and your partner closer, and it makes your bond stronger. Therefore, you need to keep your sex life alive, even when it’s inconvenient. If you have children, let them spend a weekend at their grandparents’ house, so you and your partner can spend some alone time. Find a way to make things work.
Be open about your emotions. Don’t close yourself off because this will only make your partner feel more insecure. Openly tell them you love them. This will help you reestablish the trust you lost. Once you become more open about your emotions and your commitment, you`ll come to a point where all the burden you have been carrying is just going to disappear. You will feel more relaxed and more willing to invest even more in your relationship. Also, don`t hesitate to show them love by buying an awesome and unique gift.
Like all things in life, relationships require some work. Some challenges will be more difficult than others and sometimes you will fail to do your part. Never forget that everything is not always perfect, but if you try, you can definitely save your relationship.
Office romance is not the taboo it used to be. We are spending more and more time at work, so it’s only natural to start developing feelings for some of your co-workers. Still, in most cases, an office romance is not really such a great idea. Sure, there are some great upsides to it, but there are also many dangerous downsides. Let’s take a look at all the aspects of an office romance – the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Obviously, there are some genuinely good things about an office romance, and they’re the ones we’re going to talk about first.
Most of us spend the biggest amount of our time at work, surrounded by our colleagues. When you see someone all the time and you spend a lot of time together, starting an office romance may be very tempting. This is especially true if you know them well and you have plenty of things in common. Dating a co-worker makes planning easier, as you probably won’t have to go out of your way to adapt your schedules to accommodate the needs of your new relationship. And well, when you’re meeting for drinks after work, you don’t have to go through the trouble of setting a time and place.
Who better to understand your job-related frustrations and worries than your colleague? If you’re dating a person who works with you, they have first-hand knowledge of the situation in the workplace. They know if your boss is unfair, or if your clients were especially difficult that day. This makes it easier to sympathize with you, which makes for a better relationship.
Many people feel that dating can sometimes be dangerous. If you go out with a person you’ve just met, you’re risking all kinds of things. You don’t know their character; they can be violent or have a problem with sudden mood swings. They can be criminals or other shady characters, or they can simply be weirdoes. Because of all of this, the majority of people find it safer to date someone they already know – for example, a person with whom they spend 40 hours a week.
Unfortunately, there are many downsides as well.
If you get into a relationship with a colleague, sooner or later people will notice, and you’ll become the subject of gossip. It’s unavoidable. Even though many people enjoy gossip, and for those who don’t, there are ways to deal with it, nobody really likes being put in the spotlight in such a way. Furthermore, a relationship can easily be jeopardized in its early stages if too many people start meddling.
Even if you don’t mean to work less, chances are that you will. And the fact is that your co-workers will notice as well. If you stop to chat on your way to the bathroom or if your lunch breaks start lasting 10 minutes longer than before, other people at work will think that you’re slacking off. Of course, you may continue to do your job with the same or even increased efficiency – if you’re seen changing your habits to accommodate your relationship, you’ll provoke negative attitudes in your co-workers.
Finally, if it doesn’t work out, your ex is still your colleague, and you have to see them every day. It can cause a very difficult situation at work, especially if one of you didn’t want the relationship to end. Imagine spending 40 hours a week working with a person who broke your heart. Not nice, right? Even worse, if the tension between the two of you is too high, it can even cause problems for other people, and one or both of you can lose your job.
In the very worst of cases, there can be some downright nasty consequences of an office romance.
So, it didn’t work out, you broke up, and you thought that that was it. And then you get a call from the HR, and you hear that your ex claims that you harassed him or her before or after the breakup. This happens more often if you are in a superior position in the company compared to your ex. Now this is a tricky business and you should be aware that your job is on the line, so you should seek professional help. Find a good law office, such as Stevenson Business Lawyers, and make sure your rights (and your job) are protected
If one of you is the other’s boss, your relationship has just become more complicated. If you are in a lower position, be ready to face the distrust of your co-workers. From the moment they find out about your relationship, they’ll assume that any recognition you get at work is because of that relationship, even if it’s well-deserved. If you are in a higher position, you may start to question your partner, because it may cross your mind that they are simply taking advantage of you. Furthermore, there are usually rules in place for such cases, so tread lightly and make sure you understand the consequences of your relationship.
When you work with a person, how much do you really know about their personal life? Imagine if your new boyfriend or girlfriend is actually in a committed relationship that you know nothing about. Now imagine their partner storming into office and start calling you names and stirring drama. It’s embarrassing, it can cause your co-workers to lose respect for you, and it can even cost you your job. Or what happens if you find out that your new partner has been sleeping around with several colleagues? There are many disaster scenarios, but they all end in tension in the best case or losing your job in the worst.
Even though an office romance has some benefits, usually it’s a bad idea. Of course, if your co-worker if your soul-mate, you should go for it. However, if they’re not, it’s simply not worth the risk.
“It’s easier to fall in love than to stay in love” – we couldn’t agree more.
Whether we admit it or not, we dwell in deeply romantic culture with big, and often unrealistic expectations of how love should be. When things get rough, people immediately give up, abandon and find comfort in new ones, instead of fixing what’s broken. That’s why we admire rare couples who, through the years, have kept their love for each other alive.
It’s not that they have a perfect connection since no relationship is flawless – every couple has issues and bad times. Every couple gets tired and bored of each other at some point. Every couple discovers each other true colors, including the quirks, gross habits, and shortcomings.
It’s just that some couples are wise and emotionally capable enough to build a solid foundation, deal with these obstacles, try to work things out, and focus on the things that truly matters, making their relationship stand the test of time and hardships.
Here are 6 of the biggest obstacles couples in long-term relationships face, and what strong couples do to deal with them and create a love that lasts a lifetime.
Feeling a little blue? May be a little lonely and single? Perhaps your heart skipped a beat as you saw that woman or guy saunter past you and now you are starting to wonder if love at first sight really does exist. Most optimists believe in love at first sight, serendipity, fate and all of the things that make our hearts go boom! However, there are those who will argue that there is nothing more to bumping into the love of your life other than being at the right place at the right time. No person can tell you what they think will happen to you, but they can only tell you about what has happened to them and what the meaning of love is.Continue reading
The latest figures from the Office for National Statistics show that over 300,000 marriages take place each year in England and Wales. With divorce rates at just 8.9 per 1000 married couples, more of these partnerships are staying together. That is not to say that marriage has gotten any easier, however. Successfully sharing your life with a long term partner requires flexibility. Inevitably, life brings change. The ability to adapt and take on new roles within the relationship can make all the difference in being able to successfully maintain it, forever.
For many, marriage is the first time to experience shared finances. Especially as the average age of people marrying is on the rise, these working adults have already learned the basics of personal financial responsibility. Car payments, bank accounts, rent, savings and debt are nothing new. However, having joint bank accounts, entering into debt together, and managing a household budget can be the first stressor in a marriage.
Although there are many ways to manage your finances as a couple, it is not unusual for one person in the partnership to take on the task of budgeting, managing the accounts, and paying the bills. Open communication about money, as in all things, is necessary for the health of the relationship. Without it, one person may start feeling uncomfortable with the arrangement, especially if there is an imbalance in the income being brought into the household.
It is not as easy as it may seem to think in terms of “our” money rather than “yours” and “mine.” Consider having both joint and personal accounts to avoid this source of conflict. Joint accounts can be used to cover household expenses like housing, utilities, and groceries while personal accounts cover things like clothes, nights out with friends, and trips to the salon or barber.
When a couple decides to start a family it marks a massive transition for the relationship. The new and ever changing responsibilities of caring for a child are immense and hugely time consuming. As each person takes on the role of parent, their role in the relationship also changes.
Married couples with children find it difficult to devote time to nurturing their relationship. The Economic and Social Research Council conducted a mixed method psychosocial study on enduring love. They found that parents engage in less relationship maintenance than their childless counterparts. The time spent doing parenting related tasks and activities leaves little time for other things. When children are very young, a parent’s focus and energy is overwhelmingly spent on the child. Parents are left feeling tired and drained with nothing left to give to their spouse.
Couples will have a greater chance of long term success if they commit to spending regular time with one another as a couple, not as parents. A set date night with the help of a family member or childminder can do wonders for keeping a couple connected. Little things can be done on a daily basis to show care and thought for your partner. Making their tea in the morning or sending a sweet text in the middle of a work day is a small gesture that can have a big long term impact.
Illness and Caretaking
As time moves on one or both of the people in a marriage may find themselves in the role of caretaker. This can come about in different ways. A parent of the couple or one of the people in the couple themselves becomes chronically ill and requires everyday care. Whether caring for a sick parent or spouse, this change is an emotional and taxing phase for all involved.
Caregiving takes a big emotional toll on a person. The caretaker has to come to terms with the fact that someone they love dearly is sick. Fear, uncertainty, and sadness can become all consuming. Boredom, frustration, and hopelessness are not at all uncommon. Seeking out help and support is crucial during this time. Having someone to talk openly and honestly with, whether a friend, family member, or professional, is critical to emotional well being.
Practically speaking, a caretaker should not attempt to go it alone. Outside help, even if for only a few hours a week, can give the caretaker a regular necessary reprieve. For those in need, social assistance is available from the NHS by requesting a needs assessment. For short periods of time, for running errands or attending personal appointments, the ill loved one can be left alone. Providing the loved one with communication tools that can help the carer and cared for feel more secure in leaving for these short excursions.
Empty Nest or Retirement
When couples move from being full time workers, parents, or both to being empty nesters or retirees, life as a couple, once again, transforms. Schedules are suddenly more open. Spaces are available that were once filled with children and work obligations. This can be disorienting for a couple. They may feel like they have nothing to talk about or focus on. It requires an adjustment and attention to reconnect or keep the relationship strong in this new dynamic.
Identifying areas of interest that are shared but have never been explored is a great place to start. This gives a freshness and spark to the relationship and can be very fulfilling and exciting. This new found time is a gift and choosing to spend some of it in a passionate pursuit with your spouse is invaluable to the health of the relationship.
Giving your spouse freedom to pursue personal interests or to simply spend time alone is an equally positive way to nurture your relationship during this stage. It is healthy and natural for both parties to a relationship to have interests that are solely their own. Supporting one another in individual pursuits and allowing each other to spend time away can actually bring them closer.
If we are lucky, life is long. Choosing to spend it in a relationship can be the most rewarding experience of one’s life. It is not without its set of challenges but each partner can adapt and support each other through all of life’s changing roles.
It’s not always blissful when you are in a relationship with someone. Couples understand this better when their initial days of charm, wooing each other gets over and they step into the drill of getting to know each other for real. And this is the phase, where most couples get disillusioned with the concept of love. Or, they are confused, considering that its love that got them into this mess. However, thanks to the new age couples therapy and marriage counseling, that couples can look at their relationship and their partners in a whole new way.
The precious lessons that couples learn
Most of the times we fall in love based on what our minds have been fed with about love. We are limited to our notions. It’s when we are in a relationship that we get to understand the true meaning of love. And sometimes, to understand this, couples need to count on marriage counseling and couples therapy. To know more on these therapies, you can browse through The Wellness Counseling Center and read more. Some of the valuable lessons learned by couples are as follows:
Each one of us has been illusioned with the idea of an ideal partner. The truth is there is no perfect partner. When we accept this truth, we set ourselves be free from all the wrong expectations. Also, marriage counseling helps us look at a partner just as an ordinary human being with their set of rights and wrong. Couples take their partners for who they are and not who they want them to be. And this brings in peace and calm to a relationship.
We stay in a world where rat race is the order of the day! Things move fast. And that has made us jump to our conclusions about relationships quickly as well. It is the reason why couples think that their relationship has no future after a few ego clashes. With advanced marriage counseling and couples therapy, partners understand that ego clashes are an external manifestation of the difference of opinions. Each one us wants to secure our point of views which results in ego clashes. When you allow a little bit of open-mindedness, we will be able to understand the other person’s perspective as well. And this will take away all the negativity that people attach with an ego clash. You can reach out to The Wellness Counseling Center to know more.
Developing empathy helps to solve many challenges we face in life. Couples therapy teaches individuals that everyone is struggling and is going through their tests and trials in life. And that makes someone bitter and someone oversensitive. When you realize this truth, you start to develop compassion for yourself and others as well. And that is the starting point of individual and relationship healing.
These are three valuable lessons that marriage counseling and couples therapy offers us. Not every tumultuous relationship is the end of the world. With therapy, there’s hope and better possibilities. And with therapy, there’s a chance of a couples becoming better individuals.
Breaking up with the person you love hurts like hell, especially if you’ve been together for a couple of years.
You’ve built your world around each other. You’ve made a lot of good and memories over the years and shared unforgettable experiences. You’ve faced many trials together and surpassed them out of love. It’s such a waste to end such a long and meaningful relationship and start over again.
But there are battles you cannot win over no matter how much you love the person. It’s when the relationship becomes toxic and draining to the point it’s not worth fighting for anymore.
Let’s not talk about the petty arguments about laziness, or small incompatibilities like introverted and extroverted personalities – you can work them out. But there are some circumstances which are extremely difficult or even impossible to resolve. These events tell you that it’s the end of the road. You have no choice but to give it up because you’ll destroy each other eventually if you choose to stay.
You may assume your long-time partner is the one. But if you’re still unmarried and you spot these red flags, it would be better rethink your relationship before the problem becomes unbearably damaging during your marriage.
You may have heard or even experienced that the long-term relations eventually go flat and become boring. Even though you believe it as a myth during the early years of married life, anyone can expect this to happen to you too. The experience of feeling attraction, desire, and sexual excitement may not be powerfully stimulating for long, and the couple starts assuming that the flame has gone off and the future may be uninspiring. Possessed with this assumption, many couple’s life seemed to face a downward trajectory over time and often ends in despair or separation.
Even though it is impossible to prevent such stale moments from occurring in our married life, it is always possible to keep the fire alive in relationships. There are many possible activities to keep the bond rolling and minimize the impact of staleness. Many couples succeed in keeping their relationship fresh, exciting, and passionate through a wide range of activities done together. Whether you are in your 20s or 60s, it just requires supplementing it with some pleasure and fun to keep it fresh.
Most of the times, people tend to say, “I would love to be so, but there is little time.” But the fact is that there is always enough time if you wish to. Many among us tend to assign high priorities to our responsibilities and commitments than relationships; however, it is not necessarily due to the negligence of relationships, but as we take it for granted that the significant others can understand it.
Many among us take it for granted that as we are fully committed, our relationships will also stay solid, which doesn’t require further attention, time, and energy. However, it is proven that it is a huge mistake to take relationships for granted and assume that it will stay solid forever without care. If you neglect it for too long, then there is every chance to end up in a disaster.
If you are taking an initiative to reassure the intimacy component in the relationship, it can become habit forming and will pave basement for relational success. In this article, we will further discuss some activities which can be considered ideal to be tried by couples to keep the relationship intact.
#1 Keep dating
Don’t think that dates are only for young lovers; it can be magical for an even elderly couple who already lived together for long. Leaving home and getting out give a chance to explore the outside world by forgetting about the daily setting which may make thing livelier for the partners. In fact, if you find it too tight to schedule an outside dating, even staying home on a date may also be fun, for example, a candlelight dinner. Plan for dates as a regular weekend habit or so to strengthen the relationship.
#2 Plan a night out together
Everyone will be excited about a spontaneous date night. In the downtime between spontaneous breaks out of your routine, the couple can plan for a full date night too. It need not have to be so expensive or filled with fun. There are many options to explore in cheap date nights, which will primarily get you both out of the home without the need to analyze the family budget.
#3 Go for a wildlife safari
A wildlife safari is a family entertainment option, which can be effectively planned by the couple as a honeymoon activity or at any time you wish. At olden times, wildlife safari was meant for big game hunts. However, nowadays people don’t “hunt,” but it is mostly about observing animals at their natural habitat and also to enjoy the excitement of capturing them on camera. You can find various options for wildlife safari like guided safaris, jeep safaris, walking safaris, horse safaris, camel safaris, elephant safaris, river safaris, photographic safaris, balloon safaris to name a few. Horse racing is a very good option as well. You can watch it on TVG.com.
#4 Cook together
There is an old saying which goes like “the couple who cooks together also stays together.” You can also try to break out cookbooks and measuring cups at the kitchen. Once a week or at least once a year, you may plan and wait for the spouse to have dinner by cooking together. Wait till the kids get to sleep and then have a quality time cooking your meal together to enjoy a late-night candle dinner. Going a step ahead, it is also welcoming to take a cooking class together to learn some exciting new recipes and techniques.
#5 Do social networking together
One of the major reasons heard nowadays in case of separations is that the spouse is busy in the virtual world of the internet than spending time together with the other. So, it is a good idea to plan a great time together to do social networking or blogging together. This also will bring in more transparency in relations and makes it stronger. If both are interested in blogging, then brainstorm for topics which both would enjoy and do some co-blogging.
#6 Take up new hobbies to be together
As we discussed in case of co-blogging, find other common grounds also that both the couple enjoy together. There can be many simple connections between the hobbies if you haven’t explored it every. Say, for example, nature walk, cycling, or bird watching may be liked by both and can be done together. For some others, it may be kind of adventures like snorkeling or surfing to spend quality time together.
#7 Relax together
Many among us won’t jump a cozy chance to be at the spa during free time. Sometimes, you can convince them to visit for an at-home spa service with which you both can enjoy a relaxing together experience. Try to make some setting also by working together at home for the spam day as by playing some relaxing music, setting dim lights, and arranging a cozy couch for each other to relax and unwind.
With all these being practiced, try to make every day a celebration of your togetherness. Mark all possible days to celebrate including that when you first met, got engaged, wedding, birthdays and whatever possible. Live with flying colors, and you will never find it boring.
Tying the knot is easy, it’s staying married that is the tricky part.
In order to be successful, you and your spouse must learn to compromise, respect each other, and communicate. Don’t let yourself forget how important your partner is to you.
If you want to have a happy, successful married life, then read on and learn the 10 best tips for a healthy marriage that every couple should be following.
Getting married shouldn’t mean that end of dating – each other, obviously!
Putting in the effort to schedule a fun, sexy, or romantic date night is all about making your partner feeling loved, adored, and desired. These are important aspects of any healthy marriage.
Studies reveal other benefits of date night as well, such as heightened sexual and emotional intimacy, boredom prevention, and deeper communication.
Trust is one of the most important parts of any healthy marriage.
Your partner should be the person you can tell your deepest secrets to without every worrying that they will judge you or share your stories with anyone else. Trust also means living with confidence that your spouse would never do anything to betray you nor you them.
In a study about what makes a marriage last, treating a spouse like a best friend rated as one of the biggest indicators of success. Research also indicates that couples who laugh together regularly are more likely to stay together than those who do not.
Your best friend is the first person you think to call when something exciting happens. They are the person you want to go to concerts with, the person you trust, and the person who can always make you laugh. So, why shouldn’t this person be your spouse?
Part of having a healthy married life is about having realistic expectations about your partner and loving them for who they are, not who you wish they would become.
People naturally mature as they grow older. They grow and change in various ways. Perhaps they even quit bad habits such as smoking or staying up all hours of the night. Your spouse may change their opinion about getting a pet, decide they actually do want kids, or may even change careers after marriage.
But, those are their own decisions. While you have every right to weigh in, offer you opinion, and give support as a spouse – thinking that you can be the cause of change in your partner is a fruitless challenge that will only leave you shaking your head.
Sex is arguably the biggest way in which couples bond both emotionally and physically. The oxytocin released during intercourse is largely responsible for stress-reduction, mood elevation, and is the biggest predictor in heightened emotional intimacy in married couples.
An active sex life also promotes bonding, and is scientifically shown to deepen trust.
Plus, it’s fun.
Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you always have the same interests. It is just as important to pursue separate interests as is it to share hobbies and goals.
Maintaining solo hobbies and social lives will help each spouse hang onto their sense of self outside the relationship. In turn, this confidence will strengthen the marriage bond.
According to twentieth century philosopher Rudolf Steiner, people change their opinions and interests every seven years. So, if the changing of body and mind is inevitable, do your utmost to ensure you and your spouse are changing and growing in the same direction.
One way you can do this is by sharing new things together. Take up a class, instrument, language, or start a new hobby like exercising or photography. By taking up these challenges together, you’ll be able to deepen the connection in your married life.
Your spouse is not simply the person you married, they are your partner. By marrying them it means that you have entered into a partnership, so always treat it like one. Decisions are made together, issues are talked about respectfully, and each spouse’s feelings, thoughts, and opinions are to be treated with care.
Just like in a business, you and your spouse are working toward the same goal together in order to profit your relationship.
This step may be difficult for those who are used to getting what they want. But, being in a marriage means melding two different lives together. As with any couple, this is bound to cause you two to butt heads every once in a while. This is where the art of compromise comes in.
Marrying the love of your life means everything isn’t always about you anymore. You are building a family together as partners, not enemies. Learn to pick your battles. Decide what is important to you and what isn’t worth your instance.
This age-old advice had been around for decades for a reason. Going to bed angry is a hurtful thing to do to both partners. You’ll end up losing sleep, hurting your spouse for your lack of communication and understanding, and be hurting your brain in the process. Literally.
Studies prove that by going to bed angry, you are actually encouraging your brain to hold onto negative emotions that will be harder to get rid of then if you had simply called a truce before bed.
Sure, there are some issues that could be put on hold until morning, but you should always strive to kiss and make up before bedtime.
Being married is a rewarding adventure, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t bumps along the way. By following these 10 tips, you’ll be setting yourself up for a healthy marriage for years to come.
If you’ve been seeing your significant other for a while and all is well in your relationship, the next step may involve living together. In the UK, more people than ever are cohabiting before getting married, and a survey has revealed that living in a couple is the most popular living arrangement for those aged 16 and over. Moving in together may be one of the best ways to strengthen your bond, and it could potentially be a financially sound move. However, living together presents a few challenges, both relationship and money-wise, and there are things that you and your partner need to consider before the big day. To keep the love alive and to ensure that all goes well between you and your SO, here’s everything you need to talk about before moving in.
When should you move in?
Is there such a thing as the right time to start living together? In a Bridebook poll in 2017 which involved 4,000 British couples, it was revealed that the average couple dated for 17 months before moving in together. Bridebook’s founder, Hamish Shephard, said that the findings indicate that living together before tying the knot can “clearly be very positive steps to finding ‘the one’ and having a fantastic long-lasting marriage.”
Although the survey shows that most pairs wait at least a year before making the next step, identifying the ideal timeline for moving in together can be difficult—each relationship is different, after all. But you can take a good look at your relationship to find cues whether it’s the right time to cohabitate. Experts say that once you and your significant other understand and are willing to live with each other’s habits, then that’s a good sign that you can consider moving in. Being open and comfortable talking about money and finances is also a positive sign.
My place or yours?
Another thing to consider before moving in is where you’ll live. Should your partner move into your place, or should you be the one to relocate? When it comes to sharing a place, ultimately, the best thing that you and your SO could do is look for the best option that would make sense for your lifestyle and budget. For instance, if your partner owns a home and you’re renting, then it may be better for you to move into your loved one’s place. However, if your place is located near you and your SO’s respective places of work, then it may make more sense for your partner to move into your flat.
There’s also a matter of space—who currently lives in a place that can comfortably accommodate two adults? If you have the bigger home and the extra closet space, then your partner may want to move into your place. As for buying a new home together, it may be prudent to hold off on investing in a shared property until you decide to get married. Not only will it be less complicated, but it saves both of you from the trouble and heartache of dividing possessions and the home should the relationship not work out in the end.
My aesthetic vs your style
If you and your partner share the same taste in interior design, then you may skip this part. But if your SO prefers a traditional style while you lean towards an edgy and modern aesthetic, then you may have to sit down and talk about how you can compromise on this matter. A home should reflect both of your sensibilities, so finding out how to combine the best of both worlds is your best bet so both of you can enjoy and appreciate the decor. The best thing that you can do is to hire a professional interior designer who can successfully put together elements from each of your preferred styles. If money is a little tight, make a project out of it with your partner and learn to compromise and find a balance. This means that if your partner wants traditional furniture in the living room, then you can have an edgy and sleek fireplace and a state-of-the-art home entertainment system in the same space.
Having “the talk”
Talking about finances and paying bills may not be the most romantic things that you can do with your partner. You may not even look forward to having the money talk with your loved one as it can get awkward or uncomfortable. However, it’s one of the most important things that you should do to have a healthy relationship. Experts say that being honest and open about your finances can improve the trust and quality in your relationship. Moreover, it reduces the chances of having big financial problems in the future.
So how do you have “the talk” with your partner? The first thing is to determine your household expenses. This may involve rent, association dues, utilities, and groceries. Some people think that splitting the cost evenly is the right thing to do, however, this only works if you and your partner are earning the same—or close to the same—amount of money on a regular basis. If your partner is earning considerably less than you, then it may be difficult for your SO to pay their half. If this is the case, you can cover the bigger expenses, such as the rent, electricity, and water bill, then perhaps your partner can cover the groceries and the cost of your cable or Internet.
For personal expenses such as clothes, salon visits, and haircuts, each of you should be responsible for this and take care of your respective purchases. Also, don’t expect your partner to pay your credit card bills or insurance—you should take care of that on your own, the same way you always had before moving in.
Keeping the romance alive while living together
Living together makes you privy to all your partner’s habits and quirks, and you may discover something new each day about each other. But even though you’re living in the same space, it’s crucial to keep the spark alive to ensure a happy relationship. Make quality time for each other—remember that living together doesn’t mean that you’re spending lots of time together every day. Continue to go on date nights and flirt with each other. If it’s been a tough month, by all means, stay in, but make your meal a romantic one by lighting candles and playing soft music. Going the extra mile even though you’re living together is always worth it if you’re doing it for the person you love.
By being open, honest, and having the willingness to compromise, you and your partner can have a happy relationship while living under the same roof. As time goes by, there may be ups and downs as you continue to discover new things about each other, but be reminded that no matter what, it’s the love—and not the house—that binds you together.