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Do you believe in the saying, “love is lovelier the second time around?”
Taking the cheesy, hopeless romantic statement aside, getting back with a former lover isn’t a piece of cake. The word “ex” often gets a bad rap. The two of you broke up for a reason, and you fear the possibilities of falling back into old habits and circumstances that didn’t work in the first place. You worry about how your friends and family would react. You’re afraid of being hurt again by the same person you tried to move on from.
But former sweethearts come in different forms. We all have those exes who made our life miserable and we’re good with never seeing them again. On the other hand, there are the ones who you’d be willing to befriend and rekindle with again if the time was right.
If you happen to reunite with someone special from the past and you’re contemplating whether to give it another shot or not, check out these things to see if your relationship is worth the second chance.
1. You had a clean break
You’ve been with this person for three years but due to several circumstances, you felt like it would be better to end the relationship. While it’s tempting to keep in touch with this person and replace the romantic relationship with friendship immediately, it wouldn’t be the best thing to do. The essence of ending a relationship is to grow apart.
Time heals, right?
Give it time. It would be better if you have spent a lot of months or years apart with no intention of future reconciliation. Have you cut off your contact after the breakup? Did you unfriend, unfollow, or block your ex so you can spend the time growing individually? Have you had the taste of life on your own? Did you do some soul searching?
After some time away from the person, you’ll have a clearer pair of eyes to figure out what’s best for you. By the time you reunite, you have a lot of new insights and discoveries about life and yourself, which you can apply on your fresh start.
2. You’re willing to start anew
Start from the start. Isn’t it nice to experience that “getting to know” stage all over again?
Sure, you are in love with the same person. But you’re living a different timeline now. You probably have a new circle of friends. Your career statuses have changed. You have new hobbies and interests to talk about. Your perspectives have evolved too. There are a lot of things to be discovered.
Okay, don’t fool yourselves that you’re “strangers again.” You’re not. The fact that you have a shared history will never disappear. Talking about things from the past is inevitable. But the point now is you have grown separately and you have learned from your previous mistakes. After growing apart, you tend to forget the petty things you fought about. You are restarting with a clean slate and healthier habits.
3. Your past relationship wasn’t a toxic one
Not all exes are the same. There are good exes and there are bad exes. The good exes are the ones whom you can totally relate to. You shared the same interests and you treated each other with compassion, trust, loyalty, and respect. It’s just that you realized you’re no good as a couple.
On the other hand, there are those exes who ruined you. They brought out the worst in you. They abused you physically and/or emotionally. And you got a sigh of relief when you two broke up.
For sure, you don’t want to get back with or even be friends with the latter.
4. The reason for why you broke up is fixable
Perhaps you broke up 5 years ago because of long distance relationship and this time, you’re residing in the same city. Or maybe one’s hectic schedule drew you apart but you’re in a more relaxed state now. Maybe you were just kids when you fell in love and you’ve grown older and wiser now.
If the reason the two of you broke up is no longer a problem anymore, then it’s okay to give it a second chance.
5. You have forgiven each other
It’s a must to seek forgiveness and accept one’s apology. Whether you admit it or not, your relationship is not normal. You’re unlike other brand new couples. You have a heavier baggage, so eliminate that massive burden from your chest.
6. You have let go of the grudges
If you’re thinking of getting back together, make sure you don’t carry the grudges from the past relationship to this new one. When you decide to open up your heart again to your past lover and forgive him/her, you accept to let go of the hurt and resentment so you can finally start over again. Avoid digging and bringing up old issues. Avoid making the other feel guilty about the past. Letting go is your sole ticket to happiness.
7. You understand each other now more deeply
Going back five years ago, you seemed to be living in an entirely different planet. You didn’t like the same things. Your ideas used to clash and every conversation wasn’t healthy.
Aside from healing wounds, time also changes people. Now, you discover that your needs, expectations, and goals have changed and these are aligned with your ex’s. You get along now more than ever. When you understand each other more deeply, you can love each other more deeply as well than you ever did before.
Author Bio: Carmina Natividad is one of the writers for The Relationship Room, a couples psychology institution specializing in relationship counseling and therapies for couples and families. When she’s not using her pen in writing self-help articles focused on love, dating, and relationships, she spends her time creating poems and screenplays, painting.
Cheating is a choice, not a mistake.
In one of my previous articles here in Singles and Married, I talked about infidelity myths and mentioned some underlying issues which can be motives for cheating. I also elaborated on how disloyal partners a.k.a cheaters aren’t all the same. Some cheat physically, others cheat emotionally; some folks don’t know what they’re doing, others are just plain egocentric jerks.
Let me share you a true story: a month ago, I just discovered that my boyfriend of four and a half years cheated on me with a co-worker he has known for nine months. Based on the pictures I saw and the drastic decline of affection I felt, I assume they’ve been dating for five months while we’re still in a relationship. He did apologize but he never asked for another shot, so I guess I know what he chose, or rather, WHO he chose.
Now that I have experienced an infidelity story first-hand, I can say that the article I wrote last January has more depth and meaning than ever. I couldn’t sleep for a couple of days, questioning myself what went wrong and what was wrong with me. Am I not enough? Am I unattractive? Then why did he do it? Then I recalled that even seemingly perfect relationships are susceptible to infidelity.
This time, I’ll share 10 common signs your partner might be cheating, based not only on my personal experience for the past months but also on the experiences of women who had fallen for the wrong guys in the past.
You tell him countless times to eat his veggies and head to the gym but did he ever listen? No. However, these past few weeks or months, you notice that he transformed into a fitness-conscious person, not in a “do it for your health” way but in a “do it for your 6-pack abs” way.
Another sign is when he’s getting a little extra with his clothing. He never dresses up his fancy attire when you go out on dates to impress you. Well, he used to when your love was new. But lately, you see him looking his best when he goes out with “the boys” or leaves for work. He changes his perfume. He shaves and cuts his hair too, which are unusual.
It’s unusual because you’ve known him as the person heads home the second the clock strikes 5. He’s been extra busy lately and is working overtime – even strange hours. He spends extra hours with co-workers and volunteers to travel out of town on assignments.
And he seems very enthusiastic when he does.
Work affairs are very common, considering how much time we spend working together in one room or building. He might mention a “friend” to dispel any suspicions. He might even ask you to meet her in person because they “talk about you a lot.” He assures you that this “coworker” is just a friend and he’s just helping her to get over her past relationship or to improve at work.
And he quickly turns it off when you enter the room.
We know privacy is important, but the way he hides his phone from you seems suspicious. He often sets it to airplane mode. He never even shows you pictures or videos on his own phone. Suddenly, there’s a password.
If you have to use it for whatever reason like if you have to call someone, it hard for him to lend it. He says he’s finishing a game but the truth is he’s talking to someone. He glances at his phone first before giving it to you.
You find a lipstick he claims that belongs to her sister, a lady’s undergarment which, he claims, got mixed in from his mom’s laundry, and hickeys on his neck he claims are insect bites.
There are two sides of the story. Firstly, perhaps he’s getting attention from another woman that he’s no longer interested in sleeping with you. Secondly, maybe he wants to have sex with you more since his “other woman” is giving him sex drive boost.
Simple questions like “where are you going tonight” or “what did you eat for dinner” feel more like a series of interrogations for him. He gets really mad and defensive and even accuses you of being distrustful (when in reality, you have the reason to be).
He accuses you of seeing other men when you’re at work, or of texting your ex even if you’re not doing anything. He prohibits you from partying or going home late because you might see other men. He’s projecting his own guilt onto you, and he’s assuming you’re being as disloyal as he is.
Remember when he used to say how amazing you look in your black dress? How your red lipstick suited you? Or even how pretty you are even when you’re not wearing any makeup?
Well, that was yesterday. Today’s a different story.
Even if you exerted some efforts to look your best, he shows no interest in you. He never even notices you changed your hairstyle.
Whenever you’re nice to him, he says he’s not good enough, and that you deserve someone better. He even asks you, “are you still happy with me?” These are some of the signs he’s slowly letting you go. He doesn’t even have the guts to tell straight to your face that he wants to break up with you.
Author Bio: Carmina Natividad is one of the writers for The Relationship Room, a couples psychology institution specializing in relationship counseling and therapies for couples and families. When she’s not using her pen in writing self-help articles focused on love, dating, and relationships, she spends her time creating poems and screenplays, painting,
It’s natural for anyone who’s getting married to be optimistic – to be confident that nothing can break them apart and nothing can go wrong. The truth is, a lot of things will change after marriage, and even the happiest of all relationships can fall apart without proper preparation, attention, and investment.
This is where premarital counseling comes in. As its name suggests, it is the type of couples therapy in preparation for marriage aiming to help your relationship grow stronger. However, this couples therapy is far from the sweet, romantic talk you might think of. You seek counselors not only to talk about the things you love about each other but the unattractive things you just prefer to keep under the rug.
Ahead are five major reasons why premarital counseling is crucial before tying a knot.
When people find out about one person’s infidelity, they usually jump to conclusions and make all kinds of assumptions as to why people are having affairs. Infidelity has also been dramatized in different forms of media like films, demonizing and name-calling the adulterer. But have you ever thought about the underlying issues that made the cheater cheat in the first place? Will a cheater forever be a cheater? And who the heck cheats more often; the men or the women?
Though infidelity in relationships is something we shouldn’t condone, there are many common yet wrong beliefs about infidelity we should also stop believing in.
You like your coffee black, strong, and sugarfree. He doesn’t like coffee at all.
You’re an articulate writer. He’s a tech-savvy introvert who’s not good with words but with codes.
You speak your mind. He’s passive-aggressive.
Opposites attract and likes repel. But does this natural principle hold true when it comes to the matters of the heart? Clinical psychologist and journalist Vinita Mehta says, “It’s complicated.”
Every couple has incompatibilities. Every couple argues about the same things, like money, sex, kids, and the lack of time. We are all wired differently. It’s about how you manage those differences. It’s about not making your incompatibilities deal breakers.
Can you believe it? In a span of a week, we’ll say adieu to 2017 and welcome 2018 with open arms. Have you prepared your annual “New Year’s Resolution” list yet?
Resolutions often get a bad rap but they work for you if you give your 100% in taking a leap and making significant changes in your life. And they say that two is better than one, so fulfilling these promises with your significant other can help you stick to your words, and hopefully strengthen your bond. Instead of “New Year, New Me,” how about “New Year, New Us”?
Have you thought about the changes you’d like to see? What are the positive differences you want to achieve as an individual and as a couple? What are the issues you have to talk about? And what are the ones you have to let go?
If you’re looking forward to another blissful year with your partner and you want to improve not just your bond but your individuality as well, here are some resolutions to list down and achieve.
A smartphone is a powerful invention designed to keep us connected, and it’s ironic how it also becomes the culprit for keeping most people apart. But the question is, should smartphones take all the blame?
Why do most relationship issues go unresolved? Because you hesitate to talk about them.
Why do you hesitate to talk about them? Because you don’t want to start a fight.
Why don’t you want to start a fight? Because you’re so worried that expressing anger will damage your relationship.
Why are you so worried that expressing anger will damage your relationship? Because the foundation you built was thin.
Why was the foundation thin? Because you leave most relationship issues unresolved.
It’s a cycle, a tiresome cycle many relationships fall into. It goes on and on, leaving two strangers walking on eggshells, constantly trying to avoid sparking negative emotions. We consider relationships where two people regularly swear at yell at each other unhealthy, but relationships, where two people are keeping issues under the rug to refrain from heated arguments, are just as terrible.
“Mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, listen. On my wedding, I’m going to wear… wait for it… pink.”
It wouldn’t be surprising to see your whole family, including your dog, glaring at you for saying this. Tradition suggests (enforces, rather) that every bride must wear white on her wedding day. When asked why, people will instinctively say, “white symbolizes purity of the soul.” But history explains that it is Queen Victoria who should be blamed for starting the whole white wedding dress bandwagon. In 1840, the queen wore a momentous white wedding gown. The wedding pictures were widely published and being a trendsetter during her reign, many other brides opted for white too. The norm has stuck ever since.
Most brides choose to follow, while some brides refuse to let tradition dictate their wedding fashion. If you have a solid style statement, here are some ways you can use a non-traditional wedding dress without taking away the “bridal” feel.
Have you ever gone to a wedding reception and felt like something was off? The couple’s poor choice of wedding colors is probably to blame.
The color scheme is one integral aspect in wedding planning. Colors have the power to create the mood and complement the particular theme or unique aesthetic you envisioned. Like the choice of fabrics, decorations, and venue, the colors that have to be mixed and matched have to be planned and situated well. They have to be cohesive. They have to suit your personality. They have to be able to evoke the right emotions. And most importantly, they have to please the eye.
Unfortunately, it’s easy for couples to mess up their wedding décor with the wrong choice of wedding colors. Here are eight ways you’re making wedding color mistakes and some ways to avoid them.