Advice from an Ex-Girlfriend that You Shouldn’t Miss

It’s been awhile since I saw him. When was the last time? Was it when we broke up? Was it when we tried to straighten things out last Christmas? Was it when he visited me? Or was it when I tried to check his Facebook profile? I can’t remember anymore. Good sign! I’m almost over him.

I happen to drop by his Facebook page through common friends. That was when I’ve decided to stop checking his page anonymously, logging into his account without him knowing it. Then I’d end up crying the whole night after finding several private messages he exchanged with his past girlfriends. What’s worst is seeing and reading his private messages with that new girl, not official yet, but darn she’s prettier, sexier, fairer, and smiles better than me.

Moral lessons: 1) Stop checking his social media accounts if you still haven’t completely moved on and 2) jealousy is due to personal insecurities and low self-esteem.

Looking at his photos with family and friends, he seems to have moved on already. He has taken all the smiles in our relationship and here I am wallowing in self pity and drowning myself in tears. I’ve had sleepless nights, did he? Did he also experience those days when I can’t seem to taste and swallow any food because all of my senses seem to have malfunctioned? Even for the last time, he’s really unfair! How dare him! The nerve of him to find another one that fast. Is he not aware of the three-month rule?

Moral lessons: Happiness, just like moving on, is a choice. No one will care if you’re looking like a miserable loser after your breakup (except your besty, of course). So get up, take those red stilettos out, have some fun, and get a life.

I still want him back…badly. What will I say to my friends and to our common friends? We’ve been together for years and people have already tagged us as husband and wife. These people will really feel bad when they find out that we’re no longer together. What will I say to my parents? His parents were very good to me. Will I ever get the same treatment from another man’s parents if I would ever find a new one?

Moral lessons: True that this people would really love to have you two together. I’m pretty sure they’d help either of you to get back together. But these same people would love you so much that they wouldn’t want both of you to get hurt by being in a relationship that’s no longer founded on love but on other people’s expectations. Get him back because you love him…period.

It’s so hard to get up in the morning. I can’t even feel hunger and thirst. I’m numb to the point that I could no longer feel pain. I lost my focus. My work has become a disposable item for me. That doctorate degree dream has become less important. All I want to do is shop and shop and shop until the last centavo in my savings account. To hell with long-term investments like our dream house, dream car, or dream vacation. I’m in a mess. It’s like dying after getting wasted is heaven. Am I becoming a zombie? Everywhere around me I only see one colour – grey. Happy couples are everywhere, too, but I’d like them shot right through their heads one by one! Gosh this is brutal!

Moral lessons: Breakups and the end of the world are two different things, girl! Since when did the world stop spinning for people with broken hearts? Getting wasted will only prove his decision of leaving you super right! So why don’t you pick up the pieces where you left off and build a better version of you, your life, and your dreams. It will be difficult, I must say, but it will be worth it.

Then after a year or two you’d meet him again. He’s still showing those cold shoulders and his hesitant smile. But the persistent you came up with a clever plan hoping that you’d be able to have coffee with him or him joining you and a common friend for dinner. He said NO. Awwww that hurts. But why? He’ll be busy fixing the house for him and his wife. His pregnant wife. Just my luck! Why on earth would all the stars in the universe go against my love life? How can I have back now that he’s taken? Then your vision momentarily turned bloody red as you imagined yourself drinking your lavender shampoo bottoms up after you slit your wrist with a razor. What’s next for me now?

Moral lessons: Important reminder – don’t you dare succumb to your insanity by becoming his other woman so you can satisfy your stupid imagination of having him as your hubby. Girl, you’re more intelligent than that! Accept that you two were never meant to be. Acceptance is as difficult as letting go. That’s for sure. It will hurt like hell. But hey there are other fishes in the ocean. Be happy for him.

I really believe that every girl will have her love story that she deserves. So if you ever lose him, that’s because he wasn’t your prince charming and that your happy ever after is not yet written. Don’t be afraid to fall in love again because every breakup opens another door to a more beautiful love story…that love story that no other fairy tale nor romantic movies can ever compare.

Bio: Jenna James is author of Bait Ex Back. She writes about relationships, healing from important break ups to move on, and getting your ex back when it’s healthy to do so at

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