The possibilities of making the kinds of connections you want are very realistic, and many long lasting relationships and marriages have begun via online dating services, not to mention casual relationships as well if that is what you prefer. The possibilities are all right there and waiting for you, but there are a few key rules you need to know and follow in order to find your perfect date online. Download to learn The Golden Rules of Online Dating – 6 essential rules to finding the perfect online date!
The latest figures from the Office for National Statistics show that over 300,000 marriages take place each year in England and Wales. With divorce rates at just 8.9 per 1000 married couples, more of these partnerships are staying together. That is not to say that marriage has gotten any easier, however. Successfully sharing your life with a long term partner requires flexibility. Inevitably, life brings change. The ability to adapt and take on new roles within the relationship can make all the difference in being able to successfully maintain it, forever.
For many, marriage is the first time to experience shared finances. Especially as the average age of people marrying is on the rise, these working adults have already learned the basics of personal financial responsibility. Car payments, bank accounts, rent, savings and debt are nothing new. However, having joint bank accounts, entering into debt together, and managing a household budget can be the first stressor in a marriage.
Although there are many ways to manage your finances as a couple, it is not unusual for one person in the partnership to take on the task of budgeting, managing the accounts, and paying the bills. Open communication about money, as in all things, is necessary for the health of the relationship. Without it, one person may start feeling uncomfortable with the arrangement, especially if there is an imbalance in the income being brought into the household.
It is not as easy as it may seem to think in terms of “our” money rather than “yours” and “mine.” Consider having both joint and personal accounts to avoid this source of conflict. Joint accounts can be used to cover household expenses like housing, utilities, and groceries while personal accounts cover things like clothes, nights out with friends, and trips to the salon or barber.
When a couple decides to start a family it marks a massive transition for the relationship. The new and ever changing responsibilities of caring for a child are immense and hugely time consuming. As each person takes on the role of parent, their role in the relationship also changes.
Married couples with children find it difficult to devote time to nurturing their relationship. The Economic and Social Research Council conducted a mixed method psychosocial study on enduring love. They found that parents engage in less relationship maintenance than their childless counterparts. The time spent doing parenting related tasks and activities leaves little time for other things. When children are very young, a parent’s focus and energy is overwhelmingly spent on the child. Parents are left feeling tired and drained with nothing left to give to their spouse.
Couples will have a greater chance of long term success if they commit to spending regular time with one another as a couple, not as parents. A set date night with the help of a family member or childminder can do wonders for keeping a couple connected. Little things can be done on a daily basis to show care and thought for your partner. Making their tea in the morning or sending a sweet text in the middle of a work day is a small gesture that can have a big long term impact.
Illness and Caretaking
As time moves on one or both of the people in a marriage may find themselves in the role of caretaker. This can come about in different ways. A parent of the couple or one of the people in the couple themselves becomes chronically ill and requires everyday care. Whether caring for a sick parent or spouse, this change is an emotional and taxing phase for all involved.
Caregiving takes a big emotional toll on a person. The caretaker has to come to terms with the fact that someone they love dearly is sick. Fear, uncertainty, and sadness can become all consuming. Boredom, frustration, and hopelessness are not at all uncommon. Seeking out help and support is crucial during this time. Having someone to talk openly and honestly with, whether a friend, family member, or professional, is critical to emotional well being.
Practically speaking, a caretaker should not attempt to go it alone. Outside help, even if for only a few hours a week, can give the caretaker a regular necessary reprieve. For those in need, social assistance is available from the NHS by requesting a needs assessment. For short periods of time, for running errands or attending personal appointments, the ill loved one can be left alone. Providing the loved one with communication tools that can help the carer and cared for feel more secure in leaving for these short excursions.
Empty Nest or Retirement
When couples move from being full time workers, parents, or both to being empty nesters or retirees, life as a couple, once again, transforms. Schedules are suddenly more open. Spaces are available that were once filled with children and work obligations. This can be disorienting for a couple. They may feel like they have nothing to talk about or focus on. It requires an adjustment and attention to reconnect or keep the relationship strong in this new dynamic.
Identifying areas of interest that are shared but have never been explored is a great place to start. This gives a freshness and spark to the relationship and can be very fulfilling and exciting. This new found time is a gift and choosing to spend some of it in a passionate pursuit with your spouse is invaluable to the health of the relationship.
Giving your spouse freedom to pursue personal interests or to simply spend time alone is an equally positive way to nurture your relationship during this stage. It is healthy and natural for both parties to a relationship to have interests that are solely their own. Supporting one another in individual pursuits and allowing each other to spend time away can actually bring them closer.
If we are lucky, life is long. Choosing to spend it in a relationship can be the most rewarding experience of one’s life. It is not without its set of challenges but each partner can adapt and support each other through all of life’s changing roles.
It’s not always blissful when you are in a relationship with someone. Couples understand this better when their initial days of charm, wooing each other gets over and they step into the drill of getting to know each other for real. And this is the phase, where most couples get disillusioned with the concept of love. Or, they are confused, considering that its love that got them into this mess. However, thanks to the new age couples therapy and marriage counseling, that couples can look at their relationship and their partners in a whole new way.
The precious lessons that couples learn
Most of the times we fall in love based on what our minds have been fed with about love. We are limited to our notions. It’s when we are in a relationship that we get to understand the true meaning of love. And sometimes, to understand this, couples need to count on marriage counseling and couples therapy. To know more on these therapies, you can browse through The Wellness Counseling Center and read more. Some of the valuable lessons learned by couples are as follows:
Each one of us has been illusioned with the idea of an ideal partner. The truth is there is no perfect partner. When we accept this truth, we set ourselves be free from all the wrong expectations. Also, marriage counseling helps us look at a partner just as an ordinary human being with their set of rights and wrong. Couples take their partners for who they are and not who they want them to be. And this brings in peace and calm to a relationship.
We stay in a world where rat race is the order of the day! Things move fast. And that has made us jump to our conclusions about relationships quickly as well. It is the reason why couples think that their relationship has no future after a few ego clashes. With advanced marriage counseling and couples therapy, partners understand that ego clashes are an external manifestation of the difference of opinions. Each one us wants to secure our point of views which results in ego clashes. When you allow a little bit of open-mindedness, we will be able to understand the other person’s perspective as well. And this will take away all the negativity that people attach with an ego clash. You can reach out to The Wellness Counseling Center to know more.
Developing empathy helps to solve many challenges we face in life. Couples therapy teaches individuals that everyone is struggling and is going through their tests and trials in life. And that makes someone bitter and someone oversensitive. When you realize this truth, you start to develop compassion for yourself and others as well. And that is the starting point of individual and relationship healing.
These are three valuable lessons that marriage counseling and couples therapy offers us. Not every tumultuous relationship is the end of the world. With therapy, there’s hope and better possibilities. And with therapy, there’s a chance of a couples becoming better individuals.
Breaking up with the person you love hurts like hell, especially if you’ve been together for a couple of years.
You’ve built your world around each other. You’ve made a lot of good and memories over the years and shared unforgettable experiences. You’ve faced many trials together and surpassed them out of love. It’s such a waste to end such a long and meaningful relationship and start over again.
But there are battles you cannot win over no matter how much you love the person. It’s when the relationship becomes toxic and draining to the point it’s not worth fighting for anymore.
Let’s not talk about the petty arguments about laziness, or small incompatibilities like introverted and extroverted personalities – you can work them out. But there are some circumstances which are extremely difficult or even impossible to resolve. These events tell you that it’s the end of the road. You have no choice but to give it up because you’ll destroy each other eventually if you choose to stay.
You may assume your long-time partner is the one. But if you’re still unmarried and you spot these red flags, it would be better rethink your relationship before the problem becomes unbearably damaging during your marriage.
You may have heard or even experienced that the long-term relations eventually go flat and become boring. Even though you believe it as a myth during the early years of married life, anyone can expect this to happen to you too. The experience of feeling attraction, desire, and sexual excitement may not be powerfully stimulating for long, and the couple starts assuming that the flame has gone off and the future may be uninspiring. Possessed with this assumption, many couple’s life seemed to face a downward trajectory over time and often ends in despair or separation.
Even though it is impossible to prevent such stale moments from occurring in our married life, it is always possible to keep the fire alive in relationships. There are many possible activities to keep the bond rolling and minimize the impact of staleness. Many couples succeed in keeping their relationship fresh, exciting, and passionate through a wide range of activities done together. Whether you are in your 20s or 60s, it just requires supplementing it with some pleasure and fun to keep it fresh.
Most of the times, people tend to say, “I would love to be so, but there is little time.” But the fact is that there is always enough time if you wish to. Many among us tend to assign high priorities to our responsibilities and commitments than relationships; however, it is not necessarily due to the negligence of relationships, but as we take it for granted that the significant others can understand it.
Many among us take it for granted that as we are fully committed, our relationships will also stay solid, which doesn’t require further attention, time, and energy. However, it is proven that it is a huge mistake to take relationships for granted and assume that it will stay solid forever without care. If you neglect it for too long, then there is every chance to end up in a disaster.
If you are taking an initiative to reassure the intimacy component in the relationship, it can become habit forming and will pave basement for relational success. In this article, we will further discuss some activities which can be considered ideal to be tried by couples to keep the relationship intact.
#1 Keep dating
Don’t think that dates are only for young lovers; it can be magical for an even elderly couple who already lived together for long. Leaving home and getting out give a chance to explore the outside world by forgetting about the daily setting which may make thing livelier for the partners. In fact, if you find it too tight to schedule an outside dating, even staying home on a date may also be fun, for example, a candlelight dinner. Plan for dates as a regular weekend habit or so to strengthen the relationship.
#2 Plan a night out together
Everyone will be excited about a spontaneous date night. In the downtime between spontaneous breaks out of your routine, the couple can plan for a full date night too. It need not have to be so expensive or filled with fun. There are many options to explore in cheap date nights, which will primarily get you both out of the home without the need to analyze the family budget.
#3 Go for a wildlife safari
A wildlife safari is a family entertainment option, which can be effectively planned by the couple as a honeymoon activity or at any time you wish. At olden times, wildlife safari was meant for big game hunts. However, nowadays people don’t “hunt,” but it is mostly about observing animals at their natural habitat and also to enjoy the excitement of capturing them on camera. You can find various options for wildlife safari like guided safaris, jeep safaris, walking safaris, horse safaris, camel safaris, elephant safaris, river safaris, photographic safaris, balloon safaris to name a few. Horse racing is a very good option as well. You can watch it on TVG.com.
#4 Cook together
There is an old saying which goes like “the couple who cooks together also stays together.” You can also try to break out cookbooks and measuring cups at the kitchen. Once a week or at least once a year, you may plan and wait for the spouse to have dinner by cooking together. Wait till the kids get to sleep and then have a quality time cooking your meal together to enjoy a late-night candle dinner. Going a step ahead, it is also welcoming to take a cooking class together to learn some exciting new recipes and techniques.
#5 Do social networking together
One of the major reasons heard nowadays in case of separations is that the spouse is busy in the virtual world of the internet than spending time together with the other. So, it is a good idea to plan a great time together to do social networking or blogging together. This also will bring in more transparency in relations and makes it stronger. If both are interested in blogging, then brainstorm for topics which both would enjoy and do some co-blogging.
#6 Take up new hobbies to be together
As we discussed in case of co-blogging, find other common grounds also that both the couple enjoy together. There can be many simple connections between the hobbies if you haven’t explored it every. Say, for example, nature walk, cycling, or bird watching may be liked by both and can be done together. For some others, it may be kind of adventures like snorkeling or surfing to spend quality time together.
#7 Relax together
Many among us won’t jump a cozy chance to be at the spa during free time. Sometimes, you can convince them to visit for an at-home spa service with which you both can enjoy a relaxing together experience. Try to make some setting also by working together at home for the spam day as by playing some relaxing music, setting dim lights, and arranging a cozy couch for each other to relax and unwind.
With all these being practiced, try to make every day a celebration of your togetherness. Mark all possible days to celebrate including that when you first met, got engaged, wedding, birthdays and whatever possible. Live with flying colors, and you will never find it boring.
Tying the knot is easy, it’s staying married that is the tricky part.
In order to be successful, you and your spouse must learn to compromise, respect each other, and communicate. Don’t let yourself forget how important your partner is to you.
If you want to have a happy, successful married life, then read on and learn the 10 best tips for a healthy marriage that every couple should be following.
Getting married shouldn’t mean that end of dating – each other, obviously!
Putting in the effort to schedule a fun, sexy, or romantic date night is all about making your partner feeling loved, adored, and desired. These are important aspects of any healthy marriage.
Studies reveal other benefits of date night as well, such as heightened sexual and emotional intimacy, boredom prevention, and deeper communication.
Trust is one of the most important parts of any healthy marriage.
Your partner should be the person you can tell your deepest secrets to without every worrying that they will judge you or share your stories with anyone else. Trust also means living with confidence that your spouse would never do anything to betray you nor you them.
In a study about what makes a marriage last, treating a spouse like a best friend rated as one of the biggest indicators of success. Research also indicates that couples who laugh together regularly are more likely to stay together than those who do not.
Your best friend is the first person you think to call when something exciting happens. They are the person you want to go to concerts with, the person you trust, and the person who can always make you laugh. So, why shouldn’t this person be your spouse?
Part of having a healthy married life is about having realistic expectations about your partner and loving them for who they are, not who you wish they would become.
People naturally mature as they grow older. They grow and change in various ways. Perhaps they even quit bad habits such as smoking or staying up all hours of the night. Your spouse may change their opinion about getting a pet, decide they actually do want kids, or may even change careers after marriage.
But, those are their own decisions. While you have every right to weigh in, offer you opinion, and give support as a spouse – thinking that you can be the cause of change in your partner is a fruitless challenge that will only leave you shaking your head.
Sex is arguably the biggest way in which couples bond both emotionally and physically. The oxytocin released during intercourse is largely responsible for stress-reduction, mood elevation, and is the biggest predictor in heightened emotional intimacy in married couples.
An active sex life also promotes bonding, and is scientifically shown to deepen trust.
Plus, it’s fun.
Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you always have the same interests. It is just as important to pursue separate interests as is it to share hobbies and goals.
Maintaining solo hobbies and social lives will help each spouse hang onto their sense of self outside the relationship. In turn, this confidence will strengthen the marriage bond.
According to twentieth century philosopher Rudolf Steiner, people change their opinions and interests every seven years. So, if the changing of body and mind is inevitable, do your utmost to ensure you and your spouse are changing and growing in the same direction.
One way you can do this is by sharing new things together. Take up a class, instrument, language, or start a new hobby like exercising or photography. By taking up these challenges together, you’ll be able to deepen the connection in your married life.
Your spouse is not simply the person you married, they are your partner. By marrying them it means that you have entered into a partnership, so always treat it like one. Decisions are made together, issues are talked about respectfully, and each spouse’s feelings, thoughts, and opinions are to be treated with care.
Just like in a business, you and your spouse are working toward the same goal together in order to profit your relationship.
This step may be difficult for those who are used to getting what they want. But, being in a marriage means melding two different lives together. As with any couple, this is bound to cause you two to butt heads every once in a while. This is where the art of compromise comes in.
Marrying the love of your life means everything isn’t always about you anymore. You are building a family together as partners, not enemies. Learn to pick your battles. Decide what is important to you and what isn’t worth your instance.
This age-old advice had been around for decades for a reason. Going to bed angry is a hurtful thing to do to both partners. You’ll end up losing sleep, hurting your spouse for your lack of communication and understanding, and be hurting your brain in the process. Literally.
Studies prove that by going to bed angry, you are actually encouraging your brain to hold onto negative emotions that will be harder to get rid of then if you had simply called a truce before bed.
Sure, there are some issues that could be put on hold until morning, but you should always strive to kiss and make up before bedtime.
Being married is a rewarding adventure, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t bumps along the way. By following these 10 tips, you’ll be setting yourself up for a healthy marriage for years to come.
If you’ve been seeing your significant other for a while and all is well in your relationship, the next step may involve living together. In the UK, more people than ever are cohabiting before getting married, and a survey has revealed that living in a couple is the most popular living arrangement for those aged 16 and over. Moving in together may be one of the best ways to strengthen your bond, and it could potentially be a financially sound move. However, living together presents a few challenges, both relationship and money-wise, and there are things that you and your partner need to consider before the big day. To keep the love alive and to ensure that all goes well between you and your SO, here’s everything you need to talk about before moving in.
When should you move in?
Is there such a thing as the right time to start living together? In a Bridebook poll in 2017 which involved 4,000 British couples, it was revealed that the average couple dated for 17 months before moving in together. Bridebook’s founder, Hamish Shephard, said that the findings indicate that living together before tying the knot can “clearly be very positive steps to finding ‘the one’ and having a fantastic long-lasting marriage.”
Although the survey shows that most pairs wait at least a year before making the next step, identifying the ideal timeline for moving in together can be difficult—each relationship is different, after all. But you can take a good look at your relationship to find cues whether it’s the right time to cohabitate. Experts say that once you and your significant other understand and are willing to live with each other’s habits, then that’s a good sign that you can consider moving in. Being open and comfortable talking about money and finances is also a positive sign.
My place or yours?
Another thing to consider before moving in is where you’ll live. Should your partner move into your place, or should you be the one to relocate? When it comes to sharing a place, ultimately, the best thing that you and your SO could do is look for the best option that would make sense for your lifestyle and budget. For instance, if your partner owns a home and you’re renting, then it may be better for you to move into your loved one’s place. However, if your place is located near you and your SO’s respective places of work, then it may make more sense for your partner to move into your flat.
There’s also a matter of space—who currently lives in a place that can comfortably accommodate two adults? If you have the bigger home and the extra closet space, then your partner may want to move into your place. As for buying a new home together, it may be prudent to hold off on investing in a shared property until you decide to get married. Not only will it be less complicated, but it saves both of you from the trouble and heartache of dividing possessions and the home should the relationship not work out in the end.
My aesthetic vs your style
If you and your partner share the same taste in interior design, then you may skip this part. But if your SO prefers a traditional style while you lean towards an edgy and modern aesthetic, then you may have to sit down and talk about how you can compromise on this matter. A home should reflect both of your sensibilities, so finding out how to combine the best of both worlds is your best bet so both of you can enjoy and appreciate the decor. The best thing that you can do is to hire a professional interior designer who can successfully put together elements from each of your preferred styles. If money is a little tight, make a project out of it with your partner and learn to compromise and find a balance. This means that if your partner wants traditional furniture in the living room, then you can have an edgy and sleek fireplace and a state-of-the-art home entertainment system in the same space.
Having “the talk”
Talking about finances and paying bills may not be the most romantic things that you can do with your partner. You may not even look forward to having the money talk with your loved one as it can get awkward or uncomfortable. However, it’s one of the most important things that you should do to have a healthy relationship. Experts say that being honest and open about your finances can improve the trust and quality in your relationship. Moreover, it reduces the chances of having big financial problems in the future.
So how do you have “the talk” with your partner? The first thing is to determine your household expenses. This may involve rent, association dues, utilities, and groceries. Some people think that splitting the cost evenly is the right thing to do, however, this only works if you and your partner are earning the same—or close to the same—amount of money on a regular basis. If your partner is earning considerably less than you, then it may be difficult for your SO to pay their half. If this is the case, you can cover the bigger expenses, such as the rent, electricity, and water bill, then perhaps your partner can cover the groceries and the cost of your cable or Internet.
For personal expenses such as clothes, salon visits, and haircuts, each of you should be responsible for this and take care of your respective purchases. Also, don’t expect your partner to pay your credit card bills or insurance—you should take care of that on your own, the same way you always had before moving in.
Keeping the romance alive while living together
Living together makes you privy to all your partner’s habits and quirks, and you may discover something new each day about each other. But even though you’re living in the same space, it’s crucial to keep the spark alive to ensure a happy relationship. Make quality time for each other—remember that living together doesn’t mean that you’re spending lots of time together every day. Continue to go on date nights and flirt with each other. If it’s been a tough month, by all means, stay in, but make your meal a romantic one by lighting candles and playing soft music. Going the extra mile even though you’re living together is always worth it if you’re doing it for the person you love.
By being open, honest, and having the willingness to compromise, you and your partner can have a happy relationship while living under the same roof. As time goes by, there may be ups and downs as you continue to discover new things about each other, but be reminded that no matter what, it’s the love—and not the house—that binds you together.
In case, you have irreconcilable differences with your spouse and heading for a divorce, you and your spouse need to settle all the debts and liabilities in a legal settlement in court. These debts cover car loans, credit card loans, mortgages, home equity and other types of consumer loans you incur. In case, both of you are owners of a small business; you should clear all personal guarantees that both of you have taken during the tenure of the business. This should be done to secure any account that is payable to the small business.
Heading for a divorce – what should you do?
If you are heading for a divorce, you should consider all the debts that you have in your name, the name of your spouse and the loans that have been taken by you and your spouse jointly. The loans you take affect your marital estate in two ways- the debt will reduce the gross value of those assets in your name and increases the costs of the individual who is responsible for the payment of the loan. All of the loans or the debts incurred at the time of the marriage that has not been paid or assigned to the individual responsible for its payment will create complications later. Both spouses or one of the spouses will be affected post-divorce.
Understand the laws of the State
The laws of the State differ when it comes to marriage and divorce. They will determine which of the marriage partners is liable for the repayment of debts and loans incurred. The laws of the state will also determine which of the two marriage partners are responsible for the payment of debts. The court needs to decide on the purpose of the debt, who is liable for repayment etc. Again, the repayment of debts should be made by both the spouses if you live in a state that is a community property state. You should also check and be aware of the laws of the state when it comes to the elimination of debts. Remember, repayment of the debt is not enough. You need to know that debts will influence every aspect of your divorce and this covers child support, a division of property, spousal support and more.
What about debts are taken jointly?
A joint debt is generally the responsibility of both the spouses to the marriage. The same applies post-divorce as well. The creditor is not concerned about how the judgment of the divorce is made, he or she wants the repayment of the outstanding debt by both the parties to the divorce. A common example of the above situation is when both the spouses have a credit card, and one of them is using it after the separation. It is understood that the spouse who did not use the credit card to make purchases should not be held liable to make the payment. However, credit card companies will seek repayment from both spouses if the repayment is not made.
What about debt consolidation?
Parties to the divorce should consider debt consolidation of all their debts and liabilities before the divorce. There are instances where the parties to the divorce have many loans to pay off. Debt consolidation is the process via which all the debts are clubbed under a single loan for repayment. There are debt consolidation companies that help parties to a divorce to repay their debts gradually over a period of time. If you and your spouse are looking for debt consolidation, you should carefully read the debt consolidation reviews of the different companies before you make your choice. Experts of these companies say there are two ways via which you can clear joint debts. The payment of the debt should be assigned to the spouse who is more financially responsible, or both of you should take steps to pay off the financial debts before the divorce is settled. Again, there are times when the creditor can release the spouse who is not accountable for the credit card bills incurred.
Debt assignments for spouses
Parties to the divorce need to be aware of the assignment of the debts for payments. They need to consider the security or the obligation for the debt. For instance, if the security is a car, the spouse who has the car is accountable for repayment of the debt. In case, the debt is a charge for a credit card or a signature loan that is not secured by a property; it is generally assigned to the person who is more financially capable of paying the debt. In case, you do not wish to take complete responsibility for the debt and think that your ex-spouse will not pay for the debt, ensure you pay off the debt prior to the settlement of the divorce. In case, you or your spouse do not have enough money to pay off the debt; you have the option of selling off the asset to repay the debts in full. You can always use the proceeds that you have got from the sale to pay the debts completely. Once the debts have been paid, remember to take the receipts and keep them safe. This is proof that you have paid off the debt and needs to be produced in court.
What happens in the case of bankruptcy?
In the case of bankruptcy, divorce courts are empowered to assign the responsibility of payment of the debts to one of the spouses. The courts generally release the ex-spouse from paying the debt. In case one of the spouses has taken debt from another spouse and not in a position to repay the debt, a petition for bankruptcy has to be filed. The courts of law will then decide the case.
Therefore, when spouses have irreconcilable differences, and they are unable to continue with the marriage, it is prudent for both of them to settle all pending debts they have between them before the divorce. Debt consolidation is an effective way to consolidate all debts and repay them gradually with the passage of time!
In this day and age the life has become very fast. We have more expectations and our aims are high. To follow our aims we work really hard from morning to evening unless we are fully tired. We need some love when we come back from work. We don’t want to follow the same routine without any fun or crazy thing.
We come back and spend time with our life partner or girlfriend and have sex. It relaxes us. In some cases it gets boring to do the same thing with same person every day. So, we look for some new women whom we can love and have sex with.Continue reading
“Love recognizes no barriers, it jumps hurdles, leaps fences, and penetrate walls to arrive at its destination, full of hope,” quotes Maya Angelou. While real love, as described by Angelou, keeps marriages strong, sometimes divorce is the healthiest options for couples. Besides separation, the other common and more natural way that marriages end is through death. Losing a spouse to death changes the world around you and subjects you to sorrow and grief. You may experience guilt for being the one who is alive or get mad at your deceased partner for leaving you. But should you live like that forever, or should you move on?
The 18th-century writer Samuel Johnson defined remarriage as ‘the triumph of hope over experience.’ This can be perceived as a cynical statement to mean that if you have been married once, you ought to know better than to remarry. But his witticism also expresses a more positive and more profound truth about the human nature that we are all hopeful species especially when it comes to fulfilling the most basic human need: to love and be loved. So, why not be hopeful?
Ask a lot of questions
A date relates to an interview because you are actively trying to learn more about the person to see if they are a good match for you. Many people get nervous during dates, and as a result, they end up talking too much about themselves. Instead, you should compose yourself and try to learn something about your date as well. Knowing the other person is crucial, hence you should not hurry up down the aisle with them, even if you were in love before your divorce. This is because your relationship is on an entirely different footing; it is no longer a secretive affair which in most cases scraps off most of the excitement.
Don’t talk much about your ex-partner
One thing that your date does not want to hear is how your former partner was a jerk or was not adhering to your agreement. If you dwell too much on the negatives from your past relationship, you will most likely never hear from them again. Therefore, you should try to concentrate as much as possible on the present and the future. In case your divorce comes up, keep it brief, shallow and resist from cursing. Some of the words you should refrain from include depressed, devastated, heartbroken, bitter and deadbeat.
“Does the person bring the best in me?” Do I like myself when around this person?” these questions emphasize whether your date is a good fit for you. If you are dating a person who makes you feel bad about yourself, you might find that everything you do is inclined towards making them love you more, and on most occasions, they cannot. Instead of trying to make such a situation work, accept that they are not the one and that you need to move on for your well-being.
Don’t talk much about kids
Your children are your pride and joy, and they are in most cases, a significant part of your life. In this line, your date is not with you to talk about them the entire time but to know you and what defines you when you are not a parent. Similarly, when people find love after divorce, they often want their kids to dive and join in the happiness. They do not realize that children might require more time to adjust. Therefore, you should not hasten to introduce your children in a bid to solidify the bond. It is vital to understand that just because you are dating your soulmate, it does not mean that your kids feel connected to those of your partner. As such, don’t force them to spend time with each other but give everyone time to accept the new arrangement.
Put in mind that divorcees shuffle a lot of issues including kids, job, and more. Dating as a divorcee is significantly different than when you were younger. Therefore, issues like last minute rainchecks, kids despising you and your partner’s ex being rude to you are typical scenarios to expect. In addition, there might be days they fail to talk to you, and though they might not manage to see you as often as you want, it is essential to remain calm and understanding; those are just the constraints of dating after divorce or death of a spouse.
A bit of time to yourself after losing your spouse, through whichever means, allows you to reflect and get to know yourself again. You may not feel like you’ve lost yourself but when you’ve been part of a relationship for a long time, you can lose some sense of yourself as an individual. Give yourself time to breathe, reflect on your own wants and needs and get to know yourself. You can rethink your sense of style, your ambitions in life and where you hope to spend your later years, even with a new partner.
How long to wait
Whether your previous marriage ended with death or divorce, you need time to recover. You have gone through a significant life transition and you ought to get in touch with your emotions before indulging in another serious commitment. Also, for divorcees, try to understand what went amiss, and if you find yourself laying 100% of the blame on your ex, you may not be entirely realistic. Until you have acknowledged your role in the separation, you are likely in danger of repeating the same mistake. In fact, a period of self-examination is vital. Also, therapy might be helpful as it clears off any emotional baggage so that you do not drag it into your next marriage.
After a divorce, no one scores 100% in dating and remarriage because the past always sticks with you to a certain degree. Remarried couples will always have to deal with issues from previous marriages. However, openness, honesty, patience and mutual support are the keys to a successful remarriage. The good news is that the union is more likely to be successful because partners are more experienced and more mature than they previously were. It might not be fair to term remarriage as the ‘triumph of hope over experience’; it could be that very experience you have gained that grants you a reason to remain strong and hopeful.
Skeptics will tell you there is no way you can have dating hacks, but we’re here to prove them wrong. Listed below are the top 8 hacks from single women of all ages and backgrounds that can help you find love online, and keep you sane in the process.
Using the distance filter at home or when traveling proves to be very useful on so many levels. There is no time wasted on someone who just lives too far away when you’re not at all interested in a long-distance relationship, plus planning a first date is far easier with someone who lives nearby. If there are no good prospects in the area, you can always increase the range little by little.
One of the easiest ways to weed out the guys who don’t seem like a good match is to check them out on social media. Find them on Instagram or Twitter, and send them a friend request on Facebook. If they don’t reply to the request, they’ve probably got something to hide. Keeping in mind that most people put the best possible photos of themselves on display online, take the time to try and dig out something that may attest to the fact that person might not be such a good match.
If you only swipe in the morning, you’ll save yourself plenty of time at midday, plus you’ll see which users are up at a decent hour. If you swipe him right, and he doesn’t reply until 3 pm, what could that tell you? Among other things, that he works nights, which could involve dangerous situations or drugs and alcohol, just to name a few.
Not everyone you meet will be marriage material, but that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t be awesome for a (few) one-night stands. Maybe you don’t like what they do, the way they dress or they just seem they could be trouble down the road, but that doesn’t mean you have to be in a relationship with them. Maybe their smile is irresistible, and they’re a really good kisser. That’s a great candidate to have some fun with despite your high standards!
Who says that a date has to take place on a Saturday night? How about a Sunday morning at your local off-leash dog park? You can get a better idea of what someone is like when you see them during the day than when they posh up for evening, plus it’s harder to put the moves on someone at 10am than at 10pm, which will give you a better picture of the kind of person you’re dealing with. Also, you can tell a lot about a person based on how they interact with animals!
It’s true that not all guys out there would be thrilled to be seen on the dance floor, but if a cutie you’re chatting up on Tinder plans to seducing you right, he better start on the dance floor! Dancing can be extremely sensual, which isn’t necessarily what you have to go for, but it can tell you a lot about a person’s level of self-confidence.
It’s nice to be in control on your dates, and in many cases it’s also a turn on, but sometimes you just need to let go, and let your date court you old-school style. Allowing yourself to be wooed doesn’t make you any less of a feminist, and doesn’t mean you’re giving up the right to vote! Finally, if the guy is willing to invest his time and energy into the courtship process, that sets the stage for a fulfilling relationship down the road.
There are plenty of people out there searching for the exact same things that you have to offer. Hate Sci-Fi? Love sports? Don’t be afraid to say that! We all like to travel and think we’re not difficult, but that’s not what makes you unique. Fly your flag openly and catch the right kind of fish, instead of the slippery one!