The possibilities of making the kinds of connections you want are very realistic, and many long lasting relationships and marriages have begun via online dating services, not to mention casual relationships as well if that is what you prefer. The possibilities are all right there and waiting for you, but there are a few key rules you need to know and follow in order to find your perfect date online. Download to learn The Golden Rules of Online Dating – 6 essential rules to finding the perfect online date!
“It’s easier to fall in love than to stay in love” – we couldn’t agree more.
Whether we admit it or not, we dwell in deeply romantic culture with big, and often unrealistic expectations of how love should be. When things get rough, people immediately give up, abandon and find comfort in new ones, instead of fixing what’s broken. That’s why we admire rare couples who, through the years, have kept their love for each other alive.
It’s not that they have a perfect connection since no relationship is flawless – every couple has issues and bad times. Every couple gets tired and bored of each other at some point. Every couple discovers each other true colors, including the quirks, gross habits, and shortcomings.
It’s just that some couples are wise and emotionally capable enough to build a solid foundation, deal with these obstacles, try to work things out, and focus on the things that truly matters, making their relationship stand the test of time and hardships.
Here are 6 of the biggest obstacles couples in long-term relationships face, and what strong couples do to deal with them and create a love that lasts a lifetime.
Breaking up with the person you love hurts like hell, especially if you’ve been together for a couple of years.
You’ve built your world around each other. You’ve made a lot of good and memories over the years and shared unforgettable experiences. You’ve faced many trials together and surpassed them out of love. It’s such a waste to end such a long and meaningful relationship and start over again.
But there are battles you cannot win over no matter how much you love the person. It’s when the relationship becomes toxic and draining to the point it’s not worth fighting for anymore.
Let’s not talk about the petty arguments about laziness, or small incompatibilities like introverted and extroverted personalities – you can work them out. But there are some circumstances which are extremely difficult or even impossible to resolve. These events tell you that it’s the end of the road. You have no choice but to give it up because you’ll destroy each other eventually if you choose to stay.
You may assume your long-time partner is the one. But if you’re still unmarried and you spot these red flags, it would be better rethink your relationship before the problem becomes unbearably damaging during your marriage.
Money talk is probably the last thing on your mind right after you get back from your honeymoon.
You might be thinking – you just got back from a romantic getaway with your spouse after your successful wedding that’s thoughtfully planned and splurged on. You’re not even done unboxing all of your wedding gifts. And now you’re going to talk about financial paperwork?
Well, sorry to say, but it’s got to be done. After all, money is one of the leading causes of divorce. Financial issues, no matter how daunting, should be discussed before they become bigger and more damaging in the relationship.
A blissful marriage isn’t measured on the number of date nights, romantic vacations, and lavish anniversary gifts. Couples who face financial hurdles together and overcome them together come out stronger than ever.
So if you’re ready to do some daunting financial tasks after the wedding, here are top 6 things you should do as a couple.
Have you decided to have a joint banking account and merge all of your finances for household spending? Or you want to keep your personal account? Or perhaps do both by having a shared account and a separate account for personal spending at the same time?
Whatever that is, make sure you’re both on the same track about this matter and do all the paperwork together.
Once you’re married, you should have each other’s names on all of your accounts. It’s also important to change your beneficiary information for those accounts: If it’s your first marriage your beneficiaries are likely your parents. If you’ve been married before, it’d be your ex.
Make sure to update it ASAP to avoid bigger and more expensive problems should anything bad happen to you.
“Til death do us part” or “Til debt do us part”?
Debt should be openly discussed and addressed as early as possible to avoid it to cause further damage to the relationship.
Get out the paperwork, provide copies of your own credit reports, look for the real bottom line, and deal with it. Debt catches up eventually – whether it’s the tax collector, your university, or creditor. One day, the terrifying details of the past will come creeping out when you’re trying to get a mortgage and other loans.
Not all money talk is bad. Some prudent men and women enter marriage with trust funds, investment accounts, real estate properties, and other significant assets. Your spouse should know what you have and what you can share unless you have a prenuptial agreement that excludes the spouse from any benefit. Again, beneficiary names should be updated.
Now that you’re married, looking at your paychecks and other income sources is just a right thing to do. You’re a team here, remember?
It’s crucial to determine your combined monthly income and how it’ll affect your spending and savings.
Make a detailed budget out of the combined list of all your monthly expenses: housing, utilities, internet, cable, phone, groceries, car payments, leisure, and other routine costs. Plan for payments on debts too. Last but not least, make sure to have a budget for unexpected expenses that may come up, like home repair and medical bills.
Odds are that, you’ve splurged on your wedding and your honeymoon. YYour first year together is the perfect time to recoup those losses and continue saving up for the future.
Don’t forget to feed your savings account – together. We can all agree that having a financial cushion for emergencies and retirement is a must.
You can fuel your savings by finding ways to be frugal. You may limit nights out and put your focus on groceries and rent. Be wise when going on vacations. Set limits for internet, cable, and electricity use. It’s more fun to celebrate your first year of marriage without overindulging.
Communication is key to a successful marriage, especially in terms of money. Couples who discuss money matters, set financial goals and help each other achieve them tend to be happier and healthier than those who don’t.
Take the time to sit down with your spouse to talk about money – your short-term and long-term goals and your plans to make these goals a reality. Discuss where you want to be in five years. Are you planning to build a business? Will you buy stocks or other investment vehicles? Will one or both of you work abroad? Do you have a plan to level up on your career?
Talk about money handling practices and expectations. Are you guilty of poor spending habits? Do you plan to quit certain expensive vices? How often do you plan to go on vacations?
Talk about future expenses that will eventually arrive, including children’s education, buying your first home, your first car, and the emergency and retirement funds.
I know these things may be too much to talk about, especially if you’re just starting your life together. However, it’s great to be open about these things and to know that you and your partner are on the same track.
Author Bio: Carmina Natividad is one of the writers for The Relationship Room, a couples psychology institution specializing in relationship counseling and therapies for couples and families. She may be hopeless romantic but she’s got some straightforward pieces of advice about love, dating, and relationships
When it comes to dating, you should focus only on what would turn the other person on. Rather, think about the things that would turn the person off.
Major let-downs for women can range from superficial, such as physical features and hygiene, to absolutely offensive, like beliefs and manners.
If you’re a guy and is new to dating, here are 13 of the biggest deal breakers women share.
If you’re dishonest on the very first date, then there’s no way you’ll be asked for a second date. We all deserve truth and authenticity. Any kind of dishonesty, whether it’s as trivial as your favorite hobby or as extreme as your marital status, is an immediate red flag.
Women and men alike won’t be interested in someone who feels the need to misrepresent their age, height, marital status, occupation, financial stability, possessions, and vices.
If you’re always running late or can’t totally show up from time to time (even when you’re sending fresh, beautiful flowers) , your date may imply that you’re not serious, or worse, you’re self-centered. Time is precious, so wasting your date’s time repetitively is a strong signal for her to look elsewhere.
Nothing turns off a woman faster than a man who doesn’t even make an effort to look and smell decent and presentable.
Combed hair, clean, newly-laundered clothes, fresh breath and regularly brushed teeth, tidy nails, clean ears, washed hands, and pleasant (not even scented with expensive perfume) smell all over – are these too much to ask?
It’s not just a matter of being unpleasant. When a guy doesn’t seem to be taking care of himself, that could be a sign that he’s looking for someone to take care of him – and no, that shouldn’t be the woman’s problem.
There’s a fine line between being “carefree” and “lacking the ambition.” You don’t have to have big goals for yourself and for your future partner. However, you must have some goals and work to get close to that pursuit.
Being unemployed is a top deal breaker for women, especially if you’re still living in your mother’s nest. Not that most women can’t provide for themselves – unemployment implies you’re not where you want to be, thus are not stable both financially and emotionally.
Depending and living with your parents while in your 20s or 30s may suggest co-dependence, fear of commitment, and the lack of motivation and emotional maturity.
Smoking has long been considered as a major turn off, especially for non-smokers. But for some, dating a smoker is okay as long as the person is responsible enough to smoke in designated areas, control the intake, and work to curb the unpleasant effects like bad breath and smelly clothes and house.
The real problem occurs when the person has been addicted to smoking to the point it’s unbearable. Same goes with alcoholism, gambling, and drug abuse. Addiction affects not only the heart, lungs, and gut – it damages the mind, which can be a major relationship issue in the long run.
There are three types of men with poor communication skill;
One, the guy who nods at everything his date talks about, and answers only when asked. Two, the guy who doesn’t appear to be listening and fails to give feedback on what has talked about. Three, the guy who wants to talk about no one but himself and his greatness, disabling the date to speak up.
Isn’t it a bummer when you have spent hours to be presentable and your date has a divided attention because his phone is glued to his hand?
Smartphones kill genuine conversations – and relationships. When you’re on a date, gentlemen, it’s a no-brainer to free yourself from all your distractions. Forget checking e-mails, sports scores, or game night invites by your bros.
Excuse me? We’re not in the 1950s. If you throw these questions on the first date, then there’s no point in continuing.
There’s a fine line between expressing attraction and being pushy about sex. It’s all about the intention. Women looking for a serious relationship immediately back off when a man can’t shut up about how much he wants to “bed” her on the first date and it’s getting uncomfortable.
No woman can trust a guy whose IG feed is loaded with pictures of scantily clad party girls, vain gym mirror selfies, and photos of women he has dated in the past (or is currently dating).
Several children, multiple women, and complicated relationship or unfinished business with an ex – these are some of the “excess baggage” a man may have. To make it worse, some men with an excess baggage even negatively talk about their ex or children on the first date. These are deal-breakers since no person wants to be dragged into the unnecessary mess and drama.
A guy who is genuinely kind-hearted respects, not only his date but everyone in the room – including the servers and sanitary personnel. Experts agree: you can tell a lot about a man by how he treats those in the service jobs.
Listen up: If the man yells and badmouths the restaurant staff, and is basically rude to other people, then it’s a red flag, revealing a preview of how he might treat the lady as they go on. Other red flags include road rage, failure to compromise several times, failure to accept blame, and manipulating behavior.
The first impression lasts, they say. But chances are, if a guy shows up with one or a few of these major turnoffs, he may not score a second or third date to redeem himself and score a potential good relationship with a great woman.
Author Bio: Carmina Natividad is one of the writers for The Relationship Room, a couples psychology institution specializing in relationship counseling and therapies for couples and families.
Because Bouquets Are So Passé.
If you’re surprising your lover with flowers, chances are you’re going to grab a presentation-style bouquet, which is pre-selected in a flower shop or local supermarket. Presentation bouquets generally look like this: a bunch of flowers tied together and typically adorned with dry waxed paper or floral tissue, jutte fabrics, and mesh ribbons.
They are nice and convenient, but they can be, well, clichéd and predictable – especially if you’re giving it to a long-term spouse whom you’ve been giving bouquets for years.
Don’t get me wrong – there’s nothing sweeter than receiving a handheld bouquet filled with vibrant and freshly-picked flowers of your taste. But wouldn’t it be nicer to receive flowers that have a dash of creativity and personality into it?
If you’re sending flowers for your wife, girlfriend, or special someone but you want to elevate your usual handheld bouquet and give something unexpected, here are 10 wonderful ideas to keep in mind.
If your wife loves both tea and flowers, then an English country garden-inspired teapot full of blooms is the best way to go. A lovely arangement of roses, daisy, and poms in feminine pastel-hued pots would definitely brighten up their day.
For a rustic, “fresh from the garden” look, use rustic watering cans. The pale, timeworn look of watering cans add charm to the arrangement of vibrant blooms. You may also loop wire around the handle so it can be hung on the door for a beautiful display.
You may use the same approach for ceramic mugs, painted bottles, and vividly-colored jars.
Love metals and vintage prints? Your recipient would definitely love blooms in old, vintage canisters. They come in different designs, from old-fashioned floral patterns to 50s-inspired typography and poster signages. Even vintage soup and coffee tin canisters elevate your floral arrangement.
Forget conventional vases and put old lanterns to use. Antique lanterns make romantic flowers arrangements, like roses, baby breath, and foliage, even dreamier. They also make a nice centerpiece for one’s home.
If your recipient loves a wild arrangement of pretty pastel flowers, then wooden containers, like crates, would make perfect vessels. Aside from roses, flowers like hydrangeas, lisianthus, and snapdragons look stunning on crates.
Bouquets usually come with a box of chocolates and other confectioneries , but wouldn’t it be nice if you give something sweet but healthier? Pair your fresh blooms with sweet edibles, that are also freshly picked – fruits. Flowers and fruits go well with each other since they’re both vibrant plants. They also make great “get well soon” gifts for a lover or friend who needs healthy munchies to recover.
Who doesn’t love mini versions of anything? Be creative enough to turn smaller floral varieties into cute mini bouquets. You may scrimp on size but never on beauty, since they look lovely when attached to greeting cards and love letters for your special someone.
If you’re overly cheesy and romantic, you can never go wrong with the classic heart-shaped floral arrangement. A heart-shaped arrangement of roses, which may come in one solid color or multi-color, make a perfect gift for Valentine’s day, wedding anniversary, and your loved one’s birthday.
Giving a floral wreath is one splendid way to opt out of handheld bouquet without losing the sweet gesture of “giving flowers for your love.” Floral wreaths look amazing, whether they are in bold and vibrant hues or pretty pastel hues. For a more earthy appeal, use a grapevine wreath and adorn with your recipient’s favorite flowers. They make a lovely door and wall decoration.
Don’t throw your broken umbrella yet! You can fill it with your love’s favorite blooms, tie it with some pretty ribbons, and tada – you have a beautiful bouquet that looks quirky and out of the box! It’s multi-purpose too – you can use the handle for hanging the blooms and using it as a wall or door décor.
Author Bio: Carmina Natividad is one of the writers for The Relationship Room, a couples psychology institution specializing in relationship counseling and therapies for couples and families.
Just because you’re not gifted with Hollywood-worthy facial features and strong and lean physique doesn’t mean you can’t be attractive.
In contrary to stereotypes, women are pretty much easy to please. There are certain masculine features that make us swoon, and chances are that most guys are unaware of them.
A woman’s level of attractiveness goes beyond mere stunning looks.
When looking for the perfect ways to spice up a bland relationship, couples often turn to grand gestures. They go out and splurge on a fancy date at a steakhouse, travel out of town, and buy expensive things for their partner. We tend to forget that it is the smallest, simplest things that keep a relationship moving.
Oftentimes, you don’t have to go outside. Genuine and heartwarming gestures of love and affection are displayed at home
It doesn’t take that much amount of time, effort, and money to make your partner feel valued every day. To build a strong connection and bond that lasts, here are some expert tricks to fit into your routine.
One surefire way to make a fiery relationship go cold and blue? Let the day pass without getting in contact with each other. Period.
The lack of time for each other is one of the most prevalent reasons for breaking up – and our hectic work schedule is commonly the culprit. With huge job demands and financial strains, it’s inevitable to become busy and stressed out the whole day. The first thing we’d love to do as soon as we leave the doors of the office is to just hit the sack and forget about everything. But your relationship, like your job, also demands attention.
Finding time to bond with our partners despite our demanding schedules is crucial in establishing a stronger, happier relationship. We’re not suggesting to splurge on an expensive romantic getaway or “get physical” every night after work to keep the spark ignited. The ways can as simple as holding each other’s hands and exchanging jokes and laughing together.
There are a lot of things happy couples do after their workday and during the weekends or their free time in order to keep their relationship intact.
Do you believe in the saying, “love is lovelier the second time around?”
Taking the cheesy, hopeless romantic statement aside, getting back with a former lover isn’t a piece of cake. The word “ex” often gets a bad rap. The two of you broke up for a reason, and you fear the possibilities of falling back into old habits and circumstances that didn’t work in the first place. You worry about how your friends and family would react. You’re afraid of being hurt again by the same person you tried to move on from.
But former sweethearts come in different forms. We all have those exes who made our life miserable and we’re good with never seeing them again. On the other hand, there are the ones who you’d be willing to befriend and rekindle with again if the time was right.
If you happen to reunite with someone special from the past and you’re contemplating whether to give it another shot or not, check out these things to see if your relationship is worth the second chance.
1. You had a clean break
You’ve been with this person for three years but due to several circumstances, you felt like it would be better to end the relationship. While it’s tempting to keep in touch with this person and replace the romantic relationship with friendship immediately, it wouldn’t be the best thing to do. The essence of ending a relationship is to grow apart.
Time heals, right?
Give it time. It would be better if you have spent a lot of months or years apart with no intention of future reconciliation. Have you cut off your contact after the breakup? Did you unfriend, unfollow, or block your ex so you can spend the time growing individually? Have you had the taste of life on your own? Did you do some soul searching?
After some time away from the person, you’ll have a clearer pair of eyes to figure out what’s best for you. By the time you reunite, you have a lot of new insights and discoveries about life and yourself, which you can apply on your fresh start.
2. You’re willing to start anew
Start from the start. Isn’t it nice to experience that “getting to know” stage all over again?
Sure, you are in love with the same person. But you’re living a different timeline now. You probably have a new circle of friends. Your career statuses have changed. You have new hobbies and interests to talk about. Your perspectives have evolved too. There are a lot of things to be discovered.
Okay, don’t fool yourselves that you’re “strangers again.” You’re not. The fact that you have a shared history will never disappear. Talking about things from the past is inevitable. But the point now is you have grown separately and you have learned from your previous mistakes. After growing apart, you tend to forget the petty things you fought about. You are restarting with a clean slate and healthier habits.
3. Your past relationship wasn’t a toxic one
Not all exes are the same. There are good exes and there are bad exes. The good exes are the ones whom you can totally relate to. You shared the same interests and you treated each other with compassion, trust, loyalty, and respect. It’s just that you realized you’re no good as a couple.
On the other hand, there are those exes who ruined you. They brought out the worst in you. They abused you physically and/or emotionally. And you got a sigh of relief when you two broke up.
For sure, you don’t want to get back with or even be friends with the latter.
4. The reason for why you broke up is fixable
Perhaps you broke up 5 years ago because of long distance relationship and this time, you’re residing in the same city. Or maybe one’s hectic schedule drew you apart but you’re in a more relaxed state now. Maybe you were just kids when you fell in love and you’ve grown older and wiser now.
If the reason the two of you broke up is no longer a problem anymore, then it’s okay to give it a second chance.
5. You have forgiven each other
It’s a must to seek forgiveness and accept one’s apology. Whether you admit it or not, your relationship is not normal. You’re unlike other brand new couples. You have a heavier baggage, so eliminate that massive burden from your chest.
6. You have let go of the grudges
If you’re thinking of getting back together, make sure you don’t carry the grudges from the past relationship to this new one. When you decide to open up your heart again to your past lover and forgive him/her, you accept to let go of the hurt and resentment so you can finally start over again. Avoid digging and bringing up old issues. Avoid making the other feel guilty about the past. Letting go is your sole ticket to happiness.
7. You understand each other now more deeply
Going back five years ago, you seemed to be living in an entirely different planet. You didn’t like the same things. Your ideas used to clash and every conversation wasn’t healthy.
Aside from healing wounds, time also changes people. Now, you discover that your needs, expectations, and goals have changed and these are aligned with your ex’s. You get along now more than ever. When you understand each other more deeply, you can love each other more deeply as well than you ever did before.
Author Bio: Carmina Natividad is one of the writers for The Relationship Room, a couples psychology institution specializing in relationship counseling and therapies for couples and families. When she’s not using her pen in writing self-help articles focused on love, dating, and relationships, she spends her time creating poems and screenplays, painting.