Breaking up with the person you love hurts like hell, especially if you’ve been together for a couple of years.
You’ve built your world around each other. You’ve made a lot of good and memories over the years and shared unforgettable experiences. You’ve faced many trials together and surpassed them out of love. It’s such a waste to end such a long and meaningful relationship and start over again.
But there are battles you cannot win over no matter how much you love the person. It’s when the relationship becomes toxic and draining to the point it’s not worth fighting for anymore.
Let’s not talk about the petty arguments about laziness, or small incompatibilities like introverted and extroverted personalities – you can work them out. But there are some circumstances which are extremely difficult or even impossible to resolve. These events tell you that it’s the end of the road. You have no choice but to give it up because you’ll destroy each other eventually if you choose to stay.
You may assume your long-time partner is the one. But if you’re still unmarried and you spot these red flags, it would be better rethink your relationship before the problem becomes unbearably damaging during your marriage.
Constant lying, from keeping expenditures and sneaking to a bar without notice to flirting and having an affair with a coworker, is always a red flag of a damaged relationship. But let’s focus on the biggest relationship issue: Infidelity.
I’ve read somewhere: You can never cheat on someone you love. It’s impossible. That said, if your partner cheats on you, he/she doesn’t care about keeping your relationship, especially if he/she has done it several times.
Next to the lack of loyalty, the lack of trust on your end is another factor why you should end it. Many people can’t move on from the infidelity no matter how much the unfaithful partner apologizes. Both parties are left miserable, so there’s no point of working it out.
I’m sorry to tell this but settling for someone whose vision doesn’t line up with yours is suicide. Life is short – you can’t afford losing yourself and be filled with resentment when you try to abandon what you really want for something your partner wants.
Think about dreams and aspirations, and children. Let’s say you want to have a baby while your partner doesn’t, or you want to pursue your dreams of working in a big company while your partner wants you to stay at home with the kids.
Money is one of the top relationship killers. To spot financial irresponsibility, here are some of the red flags:
It’s devastating to see your partner displaying too many financial red flags for you to keep the relationship. But it’s better to ditch the financial drama, keep it real, and find someone who’s as invested in the future as you are.
Trust is the foundation of any relationship. It takes time to build it and a few seconds to lose. If the trust is broken (perhaps more than once) due to series of lies and you can’t seem to see yourself gaining that trust back, then it’s a justified reason to end the relationship.
Same goes with a relationship wherein your partner has a controlling behavior and can’t trust you even if you’re not doing anything – like when he’s always suspicious when you go out with your friends or when he can’t trust you with money and his secrets. It’s not repairable when one can’t count on someone to be loyal, emotionally or physically.
Sex should be enjoyed by two people in the relationship. There’s an unspoken rule that couples make sure both are pleased and satisfied. But if your partner is totally inattentive to your needs and wants in bed, is focusing only on his/her own pleasure, and is unwilling to change, maybe it’s time to cut the cord.
Such selfishness can also resort to sexual harassment or marital rape – when lust takes over, neglecting the value of consent and respect for the spouse.
Drug abuse, smoking problems, alcoholism, and gambling – these are some of the incapacitating life patterns to deal with. A partner with these issues can drag you down, not only in terms of money but also with respect to your physical and mental wellbeing.
Yes, you can convince your partner to change their ways and quit or be with them during their recovery process. Be a friend but know when to exit and stop signing yourself up for such trouble.
Remember when your partner screamed in your face and pulled your hair in public when he drank too much? When he cursed you and your family due to his temper and violence? When he accused you of cheating and slapped you in the face, sending you to the nearby clinic?
He said sorry and you forgave him. He promised these things will never happen again. But they did. You kept on forgiving. You kept on focusing on the good in your relationship because you love the person. But you must know when enough is enough.
Violence isn’t something to be tolerated. If you’re a victim of physical and emotional abuse, then get the hell out of there. Get some support. Confide in a trusted friend or family member. Leave as early as now. You’ll lose far more if you stay.
Author Bio: Carmina Natividad is one of the writers for Relationship Room Couples Counseling, a couples psychology institution specializing in relationship counseling and therapies for couples and families. She may be hopeless romantic but she’s got some straightforward pieces of advice about love, dating, and relationships,